Our Best Foursome Ever

HIM: This is fresh. It was just three hours ago that we said goodbye to our good friends Dominic and Maria at the downtown condo we rented for the weekend. On our way out, you said to them, “That was our best foursome ever.” But I think what you meant was, that was my best…

Just the Two of Us

HER: As people who have been non-monogamous from the beginning of our relationship, this period of enforced monogamy has been interesting. Sex between us has always been satisfying, but we’ve rarely had to work at keeping the spark alive. The lifestyle did that for us. HIM: Over the summer, since nearly everyone we knew was…

Responding to the Haters

  HER: Last year, Lisa Ling did a feature on swingers for CNN’s This Is Life, using the 2019 Naughty in N’awlins lifestyle convention as the background for her inquiry. Having been there ourselves, we were curious to tune in. In the endless quest for ratings, it must be tempting to play up the most…

The Pants On/Pants Off Transition

HIM: In almost every lifestyle situation, there is a potentially awkward moment: the transition from ‘pants on’ fun to ‘pants off’ fun. After eight years, you’d think we’d have a formula worked out, but we don’t.  We always seem to be making it up as we go along, as if every time is the first…

Shame and Vulnerability

Sex is about vulnerability. We take off our clothes — our armour — and expose the most delicate parts of ourselves to each other. When we think of our earliest ancestors, living on the African savanna, having sex involved putting their very lives at risk.

Naughty in N’awlins

At one party, I was grinding with a dude who told me to check out his shorts. It felt like he had a baseball bat on his leg! He grabbed my ass and asked how much I could take. I said nine inches was about my max. He said ‘I’m packing at least ten, but I promise to be gentle’.

Sex Therapy

It’s alarming for a man when you see a boob and it’s erotically indistinguishable from an elbow. When your wife says, “I’ll do anything you want,” and you can’t actually think of anything that would turn you on, you feel a deep sense of panic.  But I wasn’t the only one who was struggling to get sexually motivated.

Mind the Gap: Age Differences in the Lifestyle

We’re 57 and 42, for the record. Age has always been something we have to think about a little more than the average couple. If I had been eighteen and you thirty-three when we got together, it would have been scandalous. Fifteen and thirty, and it would have been illegal!

Assault and Harassment: Every Woman’s Story

HER: Like many women, I have watched in horror and awe the events of the last year. The wave of protests and #MeToo stories sparked by the Harvey Weinstein case (which broke almost exactly one year ago) seemed to crash over the rocks of the recent Brett Kavenaugh confirmation hearings. Just when we thought things…

Are Lifestyle Friendships Real Friendships?

HER: A Twitter friend recently posted a comment she found in an online forum. The contributor basically said that lifestyle people are some of the most enjoyable people she has been around, but that, in the end, these people have only one thing on their minds. And because it’s all about the sex, it’s hard…