The Pants On/Pants Off Transition

Peter Paul Rubens, THE JUDGMENT OF PARIS, 1638

HIM: In almost every lifestyle situation, there is a potentially awkward moment: the transition from ‘pants on’ fun to ‘pants off’ fun. After eight years, you’d think we’d have a formula worked out, but we don’t.  We always seem to be making it up as we go along, as if every time is the first time.

HER: This past weekend we went away to a beautiful house in the country with three other swinger couples for another Covid-safe getaway (see this previous article to read about how we made it safe). We are all very good friends, so there was no question about us getting along wonderfully. But there was equally no guarantee that sexual fireworks would follow.

HIM: You’re right, it was not guaranteed at all.  Last year, almost the same group got together in Niagara Falls and nothing happened. One evening we assembled in one of the couple’s hotel suites and just sat on the bed talking for three hours.

The grand entrance to the country house

HER: This time, the setting could not have been better. This spectacular nine-bedroom home comes complete with a sauna, hot tub, infinity pool, and private lake. Our friend’s business partner owns the property, so he gets free access to it a few times a year.  You really could not ask for a more perfect situation. On top of that, I had brought some party lighting and our massage table to set up a sexy play area.

HIM: We all arrived at various times on Friday afternoon and settled into our rooms. Like our last getaway, each couple was responsible for preparing a meal. After the first dinner,  we lingered in conversation long after the plates were cleared away. As we did, I could feel myself getting more and more tired. I’m an ‘early to bed, early to rise’ type to begin with, and that’s especially true on days when I’ve been out for a morning run.

The view from the entrance to the country house

HER: People noticed your eyelids getting heavy, and I knew we had to move quickly if anything sexual was going to happen that night.

HIM: Eventually, Shane suggested everyone go upstairs, get undressed, and grab one of the monogrammed bathrobes he had laid out in each of the rooms. No one was surprised when I said I’d just be going straight to bed.

HER: I was a little disappointed. This is certainly not a new problem for us: your early rising and my night-owling have often found us at odds when it comes to sex at night. I was coming off a long work week, though, so I was tempted to join you in heading to bed early. But I decided to push through and join the rest.

HIM: There was just no way I was going to be able to stay awake, let alone participate in any group activity. But I also had another motivation. I pictured you being some kind of sexual toy, kind of like a hot wife situation, playing behind my back. As I drifted off to sleep, I was already fantasizing about what might be going on in the hot tub, and the stories you would tell me afterward. So I was pretty excited when the sound of you slipping back back into our room at 1:00 am woke me up.

HER: There were no stories to tell. We hit the ‘transition wall’. There we were, all of us naked and a little tipsy after consuming lots of wine at dinner, but no one made the first move. We fell into the trap that I sometimes feel comes more often with play partners you know well, people who you could talk to for hours. We chatted, getting more and more sleepy, well into the night. And this is quite often where I come to the rescue. When it seems like the sexual energy at a party is in danger of petering out, I’ll often be the first to whip my clothes off and get things going. But here we were, already naked, and nothing was happening. I was tired and feeling, strangely, a little shy about being the only person without a partner.

HIM: I have to say that I was partly disappointed that nothing happened, but also partly relieved that I hadn’t positioned myself as the disposable member of the cast, or, worse yet, as merely your driver.

HER: Now you just sound maudlin.

HIM: Baby, you know I’m generally cheerful on the outside, but inside it’s nothing but sad songs 24/7. Anyway, I was feeling good again in the morning because we had a fun project planned. Nude photography has become such a fun part of our life together, and this place had a lot of exciting scenes for us to work with. While you were still asleep, I wandered around the house and the surrounding property, scouting for locations and taking test shots as I went. By the time you got up and were ready to go, I was bursting with excitement.

HER: Well, I wasn’t bursting with excitement. It was a little chilly. Not ideal for strutting around naked, so I grabbed a housecoat to keep me warm between shots.

On the steps of the country house

HIM: As soon as I saw the goosebumps, I knew I would have to work fast.

HER: The arousal that comes with photography has quite often been an effective transition tool for us. When we had our long-standing threesomes with my ex-boyfriend, who is an exceptional photographer, it was our go-to foreplay: the two of you snapping pics of me as I got more naked until we couldn’t keep our hands off each other anymore.

HIM: I had hoped that some of our friends would join in on our photo session and that it might spark some afternoon play. But, despite their earlier claims that they wanted to be involved, each couple wandered off to do their own thing. That turned out to be fine with me. The whole property was very inspiring, and I feel like we got a lot of great shots. It certainly put me in a sexual headspace for whatever the evening would bring.

HER: For dinner that night, Shane asked everyone to dress formally according to a ‘cocktail party’ theme. The men wore button-up shirts and dress pants, and the ladies wore heels and little dresses, some of us for the first time since the pandemic hit. It felt surprisingly good to play dress-up. As much as I hate heels, they do create an instant impression of sexy sophistication that Nike trainers just can’t match.

HIM: After the charcuterie and cheese boards had been thoroughly picked over, and much wine consumed, we found ourselves sitting around the fireplace in the living room. I’m sure we were all silently asking the same question: would this be another night of purely Platonic amusement?

HER: I had forgotten to set up my sexy lighting, but it turned out that one of us had a plan. Lori brought out a sexy board game that was still in its shrink wrapping.

Swinging in the country

HIM: I have to admit, inside, I was groaning. I’m not a big fan of board games to begin with, but this seemed like the lamest way imaginable to generate sexual energy.

HER: I was more positive. Just like at our parties, games are a great way to get people interacting. Even if they’re a bit lame, they force people to connect with others within fairly safe boundaries. This was basically a ‘spin the arrow to choose an action’ kind of thing, with truth, dare, and body paint options on the dial. The box contained standard question and activity cards along with liquid chocolate and brushes.

HIM: After a few rounds of fairly tame ‘truth’ questions, it was my turn. I chose the dare, which challenged me to look into the eyes of my partner and sing a love song. Oh no! So many ways that could go wrong. Quickly figuring that no one wanted to hear me sing all six verses of Tangled Up In Blue, I settled on the first line of The Beatles’  Norwegian Wood: “I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me”. The pressure was off.

HER: I was next. The card I chose said you had to paint a stylized rose in chocolate somewhere on my body. I chose my right breast, but because of the dress I was wearing, I had to take it completely off to give you access to your canvas.

HIM: That was the moment when everything changed. Once again, you had sparked the transition. When I completed the rose on your breast, I decided to put a dab on your clit to see how two of my favorite flavors in the world (your pussy + chocolate) would taste together. For those of you wondering, the answer was fantastic! Colin saw an opening and licked the rose off your breast. After that, Shane asked Sarah to take her dress off so he could try the same combination. Rather than the polite line I drew delicately along your clit,, however,  he created a huge flower with her pussy as the center petals. He then proceeded to get his face absolutely covered in chocolate like a three year old on Hallowe’en. Before long, dresses —  and pants, and shirts, and bras, and boxers — were dropping left and right.

HER: I have to say, I was surprised how much sex there was! After I went down on Sarah (under the false pretense of wanting to try the chocolate and pussy combo you men had raved about), Shane and Ben each took a turn fucking me on the king-sized leather ottoman. Then I took over your position giving Lori a massage on the massage table. I really enjoyed making her cum with my favorite toy.

HIM: After what seemed like hours of every kind of sex, I came back to you, as so often happens.

Working towards orgasm on the giant ottoman

HER: Good news for me! I had been fucked and stroked and licked many times over, but I hadn’t come yet. That’s usually your job.

HIM: And I take my job seriously, as you know. We arranged ourselves carefully on a big, furry blanket spread over the giant ottoman. You laid down on your front, with your head hanging just over the edge and your ass thrust upward — your tried-and-true coming position. You were so turned on by this point that it didn’t take long until you had racked up three noisy orgasms. A small crowd assemble on the surrounding sectional sofa.

HER: I was not aware of any of that at all. Between the cannabis ‘O’ gel (my new favorite thing), my vibrator, and your hard cock, I was pretty distracted. It wasn’t until I flipped over for your turn that I saw the fans in the stands.

HIM: I had one goal at this point, which isn’t surprising: I really wanted to come. But not for the reason you’d expect. I wanted to come spectacularly on your tummy for the entertainment of our audience.

HER: You’re such a performer!

HIM: I can’t help it; it’s how I’m wired. Truthfully, though, I was surprised that I was able to get all the way there. The audience probably should have made me too self-conscious. I guess the performer in me — and my unfailing comfort level with you — would not be denied.

HER: So considering that things worked out so well — it really was one of the best orgies we’ve ever been involved in — why do you think we were in doubt? Why didn’t the same thing happen last year? Was it just the silly board game?

HIM: I think there are lots of reasons why swingers sometimes struggle to transition from ‘pants on’ fun to ‘pants off’. Especially in larger groups, many different dynamics can be in play. All it takes is one person to feel unattracted to one other person in the group, and they might try to short circuit a sexual escalation.  When you layer on top of that the possibility that one couple might have had a fight that day, or that an individual might be stressed out about a work deadline, or had a surprise arrival of her period, well, it’s a miracle that there has ever been even a single orgy in the history of the world. I think the main thing is to be grateful when they do happen, and not to worry too much when they don’t.

HER: I actually feel it’s important to be intentional about making things happen. Clear signals are important. I had meant to do it at the country house getaway with my colored lights, but I never got around to setting them up. Fortunately, Lori came to the rescue with her board game, and that did the trick. It’s not the thing itself, I believe, but the message that everyone hears loud and clear: we came to play, and the fun starts now!

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