Podcast-A-Palooza

AA_George Grosz Drawing

George Grosz, “Ménage-à-trois (Eva, Lotte and George)”, 1927 

HER: Sitting in the Metro Burger Bar at LaGuardia airport, we’re doing what we always do after a lifestyle event: talking incessantly about it. So while the details were fresh in our minds, we thought we’d jot down the highlights of the first ever Podcast-A-Palooza. Wait, what was Podcast-A-Palooza, you ask?  Well, it was all about meeting and sharing and learning, to be sure, but it ultimately led to podcasters doing dirty things to other podcasters.

HIM: Perhaps some background information would be helpful. Two months ago, ‘C’ from the excellent Swinging Downunder podcast had a crazy idea: she and ‘D’ would use their brief stop-over in NYC on their way to Desire as an opportunity to put together an event hosted by some of the voices of swinging. She reached out to the folks from That Couple Next Door, The Spiritual Swingers, and the two of us at The Monogamish Marriage, to see if we’d be interested in making brief presentations. We all said “of course!” and Podcast-A-Palooza was born.

HER: We love New York City and visit frequently, so we were happy to have an excuse to fly down for the weekend. But the real draw for us was the opportunity to finally meet the people whose voices we’ve enjoyed so much. As the only bloggers, we were flattered to be included with the ‘cool kids’ of the podcasting world.

HIM: Of course, when lifestyle people say ‘meet’, they’re not just talking about shaking hands and exchanging business cards. These are seriously sexy people we’re talking about (which we knew from their various online pictures) who have fun and thoughtful approaches to the lifestyle (which we knew from their podcasts). On top of that, we were all staying at the same hotel. It was easy to imagine the sexual possibilities, and, sure enough, some amazing sex did happen, though not the way I would have scripted it.

HER: Unfortunately, your herniated disk problem chose the week before our trip to go full nuclear, leaving you in unbearable pain. You were living on the couch for the four days before we left (yes, the peeing-in-a-bottle kind of living on the couch). I hated seeing you in agony, but we were both determined not to miss this event. You soldiered through with the help of wheelchair assistance at the airports and as many painkillers as you could responsibly consume.

HIM: My biggest concern was delivering my part of our presentation on Saturday afternoon, so I was glad we had decided to fly in the day before. That way, I would be able to recover from the ordeal of the flight well in advance.

HER: Baby, you know I feel for you, but don’t be talking too much about the ordeal of our one hour flight from Toronto when C and D had flown 18 hours from Singapore to be there and didn’t have a chance to sleep before the event. I was amazed they were still standing!

HIM: Good point. Anyway, there was another nice thing about having arrived a day early, and that was that we weren’t the only ones. Jay and Kay – That Couple Next Door – had also come to town on the Friday. We decided to meet for dinner at the hotel once they were settled.

HER: The conversation with these two amazing people was so good that I was eager to head back to their room after dinner. I was hoping you were feeling the same way but the look on your face when you got up from your seat said ‘no way’.

HIM: When we got back to our room you mentioned something about getting some help “stuffing folders,” which I know meant preparing the printed material for the next day’s seminar but also managed to communicate how much you wanted to have sex with these people.

HIM: I was torn, because I really wanted to play with them. Your injury had meant a week without sex for me, after all, so I was really horny. But I didn’t like the idea of leaving you alone in pain while I skipped off to have a threesome.

HIM: I felt the exact opposite. I hate being a drag on anyone, so the idea of you having fun instead of glumly commiserating with me made me feel at least a little bit better. And even through the libido-killing haze of the pain, I imagined being very turned on later hearing about your exploits.

HER: Well, those exploits were certainly noteworthy! As good as these two were at conversation, they were even better in the bedroom. Kay is so fun and playful. She has gorgeous breasts, orgasms on a dime, and doesn’t hide her enthusiasm for her husband’s pleasure. She was a joy to play with. And Jay did everything right. He’s a great kisser, has a perfect cock, and choreographed all kinds of interesting combinations of bodies. He made me come three times and then came on my stomach not once but twice within just a few minutes. It was one of the best threesomes I’ve ever had.

HIM: I’m glad it was great for you, but I have to admit that hearing about Jay’s multiple orgasms makes me more than a little jealous. If he wasn’t also everything I admire in a person — intelligent, considerate, accomplished, humble — I could get a real hate on for him!

HER: You got some benefit from it, though. After recounting all the details when I got back to the room, you were so hard, you quickly added to the cum on my stomach.

HIM: To be accurate, sweetie, I masturbated onto your pussy lips, a special privilege I get as your husband. In truth, I was surprised I was able to get that excited. Your words must have bypassed my mind and gone straight to my cock. I was still in pain and holding the position required to come on such a specific target in my state was some kind of bio-mechanical miracle.

The next day, Podcast-A-Palooza itself turned out to be pretty amazing. The sold-out crowd was full of attractive, fun people who enjoyed the cool loft C had arranged for us. Our lock and key ice-breaker game got the guests mingling, then we brought them together to listen to the podcasters’ prepared talks. We went first by giving some advice about hosting lifestyle house parties. The Spiritual Swingers spoke from the heart about religion and sex, and That Couple Next Door shared their thoughtful and entertaining hotwifing stories.

HER: Unfortunately, since the guests were set free to refill their drinks between talks, the 30 minutes allotted for Swinging Downunder evaporated. With only fifteen minutes left until we had to be out of the loft, they decided to skip their presentation. I was so bummed! Not only did C do almost all the work of organizing and promoting this event, but they had come the farthest and probably had the biggest fan base. I was really looking forward to their talk. But the venue was booked for another event right after ours, and there was no flexibility with timing.

HIM: That was unfortunate. I felt for them. But at least there was the after-party to look forward to, so people could still get a chance to hang out with C and D at the bar afterward. I had optimistically planned to float to the after-party on a pharmacological cloud, but the pain returned with a vengeance five steps from the front door. I decided I had to head back to the hotel.

HER: Everyone was so concerned for you. D from Swinging Downunder ran ahead to stop a cab and even tipped the driver in advance to be sure he took extra good care of you. What a sweetie! I was asked about you constantly at the bar as I kept tabs on you by text. That and the loads of interesting conversations I had with the guests just reminded me, yet again, of the wonderful, caring community we have. The lifestyle is about so much more than sex.

But speaking of sex, wow, did we have an amazing play time once we got back to the hotel! Adam and Eve decided to call it a night after their early morning flight, so (after a quick check-in with you) I joined C & D and Jay & Kay in their suite. The girls were all in lingerie that quickly came off, and the two guys were spoiled for choice.

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“…podcasters doing dirty things to other podcasters” – a still from Jay’s GoPro video.

There were hands and tongues and hard cocks everywhere. At one point, I realized there were two people watching us from a window across the street. They got a pretty incredible live porn show before we closed the curtains, including me enjoying C’s beautiful pussy. After all three of the girls had come from oral, we moved from the sitting room into the bedroom, where Jay set up his GoPro camera to make sure everything was captured on video, and we got right to it. D started fucking Kay while C and Jay gave me a good flogging and clit spanking. I was desperate for it when Jay started to fuck me. He did a perfect job of walking the line I love between rough and respectful, asking at every point if I was okay with what he planned to do next. Since he’s in medicine and knows CPR, I completely trusted him with the asphyxiation play that I so love. At various times he had his hand over my mouth and around my neck, and even clamped the flogger across my throat at one point. He made me come again.

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Then we switched, and I lay on my side at the edge of the bed to watch the show. D slid in behind me and started doing me while C was bent over the bed with Jay pounding her from behind. D’s cock (which was rock hard all night) was so long I actually squealed when he hit my cervix. Momentary distraction. With some minor adjustments we got into an easy groove. C’s face was practically in my pussy, so she had a close-up view of her husband sliding into me. He lifted my leg into the air to be sure she could see everything.

Afterward, the boys turned their attention to Kay, who had an incredible array of toys used on her. C and I took pictures for posterity. Then we all lay around naked eating M&M’s, marvelling at how crazy amazing our lives are. It was kind of perfect. Except that you weren’t there.

HIM: This was a brand new step for us. Although we’ve played separately at parties, neither of us has ever participated in sex so completely independently of the other. Generally, I think our job in every aspect of marriage is to make each other as happy as possible. Most of the time it’s by what we do with and for each other, but in this case it meant allowing you to do something without me. That’s actually the easiest gift to give — at it’s core it’s about doing nothing — but a lot of people get hung up on it. Anyway, I know you’d do the same thing for me if the situations were reversed. Right?

HER: I like to think I would, but you’re a special breed. Honestly, I probably would have felt a tinge of resentment if the tables were turned. I might have asked you not to go. That’s one of the reasons I love you so much: you’re a better person than I am.

HIM: Listen, I’m no martyr. I was pretty certain there would be a pay-off for me later, the kind Jay talked about in his presentation on hotwifing. Reliving what happens in absentia can be incredibly hot. But as I reflected on our experience later, I had to admit that doing the right thing had a price. Any time you give your partner total freedom to explore with others, there is a little bit of hurt involved. There has to be.

HER: Then why do it? I can’t stand the thought of hurting you. I would rather never sleep with anyone else than cause you pain.

HIM: Except that the hurt is an essential part of the pleasure. If someone gives you a spanking, but they do it so gently that it doesn’t even have a little sting to it, does that work for you?

HER: No.

HIM: So it’s the same thing with this. Sharing you is supposed to hurt me a little bit. I’m supposed to feel kind of left out. The problem was that, with my herniated disc, I didn’t get the counter balancing rush of the turn-on. My libido had been reduced to zero. It was all pain and no pleasure.

HER: Oh sweetie, all you had to do was tell me not to go and I would have stayed with you.

HIM: But our fundamental job as swingers (you know it’s a job, right, with privileges and responsibilities?) is to choose adventure over caution. That applies as much to the ones we love as it does to ourselves. Giving you permission to pursue pleasure without distraction was clearly the right thing to do in those circumstances. You didn’t steal your pleasure from me. You got to be your best self in a once-in-a-lifetime situation, you made some amazing memories, and I learned some interesting things about myself and our relationship. Everybody won, as far as I could tell. I just won differently. And I’m going to love that video once the pain is gone!

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Four Crazy Weekends

Lisa Yuskavage Bonfire, 2013–15

Lisa Yuskavage, BONFIRE, 2013-15

HER: As we looked back over our last few articles, we realized there hasn’t been much sexiness. But that doesn’t mean we’ve been behaving ourselves. Quite the contrary, actually. We’ve been very busy. Last month was one for the record books – four lifestyle events, four weekends in a row. So, for our sixtieth article (trumpet flourish), here are the highlights. Continue reading

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Assault and Harassment: Every Woman’s Story

Rape of Lucrecia

Palma Giovani, THE RAPE OF LUCRECIA, 1570

HER: Like many women, I have watched in horror and awe the events of the last year. The wave of protests and #MeToo stories sparked by the Harvey Weinstein case (which broke almost exactly one year ago) seemed to crash over the rocks of the recent Brett Kavenaugh confirmation hearings. Just when we thought things were changing, that our voices were being heard and taken seriously, a three-time accused sexual offender is confirmed as a Supreme Court Judge. Continue reading

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The Hot-Button issue of ‘Hot-Wifing’

Pierre Bonnard, MAN AND WOMAN, 1900

Estimated reading time: 11 minutes

HER: You don’t have to spend much time on non-monogamy blogs, chatrooms, or podcasts to come across the idea of wife-sharing. Search #hotwife or #sharedwife, and you’ll get a myriad of videos and erotica, often including words like ‘bull’ and ‘cuckold’. We’re not fans of the shaming that is often inherent in these scenarios, but we have talked about the possibility of sending me off on a date with another man. It’s an idea that I had put off for ‘maybe someday,’ but I recently got an offer I had trouble refusing. That offer forced us to confront my fears about opening us up to new possibilities in the world of wife sharing. Continue reading

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Dick Pics

andy-warhol-penis 1977

Andy Warhol, Penis (Diptych), 1977

HIM: We recently watched the movie ‘Weiner’, a documentary directed by Josh Kriegman and Elyse Steinberg. You probably remember the story of Anthony Weiner, the New York state congressman who fell from grace in 2011 after he tweeted a picture of his bulging underwear to a woman who was not his wife. Two years after that fiasco, he decided to stage a comeback by running for Mayor of New York City, and that’s where the documentary picks up the story. We see him leading in the polls when more women come forward with still more explicit photos, many of them sent by Weiner after he promised voters he had changed his ways. His campaign implodes before our eyes.

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Toronto, North America’s Sex Club Capital

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George Grosz, ‘Far in the South, beautiful Spain’, 1919

HER: If you’re in the market for a sexy vacation, but you haven’t got the budget for a European or Carribean getaway, please allow me to suggest something a little different. I’m talking about a city where you will find the greatest concentration of sex clubs in North America. No, it isn’t Las Vegas or New York City or New Orleans … it’s Toronto.  Continue reading

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Sex Party Etiquette

Cecily Brown Untitled 2013

Cecile Brown, UNTITLED, 2003

HER: Summer is the season for backyard barbecues and pool parties. So, if your friend group includes people who like to get naked together, it also means it’s the season for swinger parties. Thanks to the suggestion of our podcasting friends, Bed Hoppers UK, we’re going to outline some of the rules of etiquette for house parties based on our experience as both party hosts and guests.

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Pool Party IV: Perfection

Franco Fontana PISCINA 1984

Franco Fontana, PISCINA (SWIMMING POOL), 1984

HER:  If you’re a member of the lifestyle community, you may have attended events and fantasized about being the one at the centre of it all. You may even have looked around and thought, ‘If I were the host, I’d do it better’. Well, we were arrogant enough to believe that of ourselves, but, along the way, we’ve discovered that it isn’t as simple as inviting a bunch of swingers and feeding them. No, there’s definitely a learning curve. But after recently hosting our fifth Sexy House Party in three years, it now feels like we’ve perfected the recipe for an all-fun, no-drama event.

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Unprotected Sex

B Tompkins Fuck Painting no52 2014

Betty Tompkins, FUCK PAINTING no 52, 2014

HIM: The subject of unprotected sex is an open and closed case for most lifestyle commentators. Just never, ever do it … except with your long-term, exclusive partner. The risk of an STD is simply too great. It’s an easy, one-size-fits-all approach that is criticism proof. But like most easy answers, the reality is somewhat messier. Continue reading

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Niagara Hotel Take Over

Ingres Turkish Bath

Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres ‘The Turkish Bath’ 1863

HER: There we were: three couples on two beds in our poolside hotel room, playing and swapping, with a growing audience of appreciative onlookers watching through the large picture window. It was one of the hottest experiences we have ever had in the lifestyle, and definitely the highlight of our weekend in Niagara Falls.

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