How to Write a Great Online Profile

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Takashi Murakami “My Lonesome Cowboy” 1998

HER: Ten years ago, people would cringe when they admitted they had met online (if they admitted to it at all). Today, it’s surprising when new couples actually meet the old fashioned way: in person, by accident. With so much of our lives lived on the internet, it makes sense that we would look for a partner there, too, whether you’re a single or a swinging couple. But, with everyone searching online, how do you stand out? And how do you make sure you’re attracting the right kind of people? Well, we’ve learned a few things after perusing hundreds of profiles, and we’ve got some useful tips.

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Dealing with Jealousy

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Pipilotti Rist, EVER IS OVER ALL (still from two-channel video), 1997

HER: “We are jealous animals.” That’s how Dr Helen Fisher explained her belief that open marrriages don’t work when she was interviewed on a Canadian radio documentary called ‘How to Survive the Dating Apocalypse’. She said she would never entertain the idea of an open relationship herself because she is just “too jealous.” Clearly, claiming we are jealous animals across the board was universalizing her own tendency, treating her socially conditioned response as if it was a biological inevitability. But what if we aren’t actually wired to be jealous? What if we could overcome what our culture has taught us and share our partners — not fearfully or begrudgingly, but enthusiastically and lovingly?

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Unleashing the Swinger Within

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Alex Colville ‘Couple on Beach’ 1957

HER:  The question our readers ask us most frequently is how to help their partners become more sexually open. More often than not, it’s men who pose the question, although I know there are lots of women who are wondering the same thing. So, as the representative of the gentler sex (ha!), I’m going to take over this post. But I’ve set myself a difficult task, because the questions is almost impossible to answer. This is really the question for all time: how do you get people to do what you want them to do? Forget about sex – how do you get the boss to give you a raise? How do you get your kids to try harder in school? How do you get Donald Trump to give up on that ridiculous comb-over? Honestly – you’re not fooling anyone!

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Who Can You Trust?

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Rembrandt Van Rijn, The Woman Taken In Adultery, 1644

HER: When something exciting happens to me, my first instinct is to tell someone about it. But what if that amazing thing was that you had eight people in your basement last weekend all tangled up in your first orgy? Who can you tell?  That’s something that comes up frequently when we talk to other swingers, and very often, their answer is … no one!

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The Instruction Manual: What Turns Us On

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Balthus (Count Balthasar Klowssoski de Rola), THE ROOM, 1954

HIM: At a recent party, I made an embarrassing mistake with a woman named Tammy we had met before but I had never played with. During one of those getting-to-know-you conversations only swingers can have, she had mentioned that she had a very sensitive clit. Like, very, very sensitive, as in “if you breathe on it gently, I might come.” Yet here I was, just two months later, giving her oral sex the way you like it, with all the tongue pressure I could bring to bear! Suddenly I remembered and looked up at her face, smiling bravely through the agony. I immediately apologized, but there was no way to turn the situation around. She was probably too numb by that point to get any pleasure out of a change in approach. Continue reading

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A Lady’s Advice for Gentlemen in the Lifestyle

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Rembrandt Van Rijn THE JEWISH BRIDE 1667

HER: Okay, guys, you’ve got me all to yourself this time. Huddle up. I’m going to let you in on a few secrets to succeeding with the ladies, not just in the lifestyle, but in life in general. Unfortunately, to most effectively illustrate what I’m talking about, I’m going to have to pick on some people I actually like very much. Hopefully their stories will help our readers avoid the mistakes these otherwise great guys have made. Continue reading

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Nude Pool Party III: The Orgy

Ed Rushca Nine Swimming Pools 1968

Ed Ruscha, ‘NINE SWIMMING POOLS’, 1968

HIM: After our second Nude Pool Party we felt strongly that we were getting closer to our original vision: a gathering of cool, open-minded people in a total sexual and social ‘flow state’. In the moment. No boundaries. All that would be required to make our third ‘Nude Pool Party’ a total success would be a few tweaks.

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Hedo Diaries: Getting Ditched

 

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Masaccio (Tommaso di Ser Giovanni di Simone) THE EXPULSION FROM THE GARDEN, 1425

January 4, 2017

HER: Believe it or not, I am an incredibly shy person by nature. When I was young, I hung back when others were having fun because I always imagined my presence would somehow ruin it. I never wanted to be the unwelcome third wheel, and I haven’t completely gotten over that feeling. For me, the world of swinging opened up a new avenue to connect socially: I could use my sexuality — something I feel confident about — to make friends — which I find difficult.  But my insecurities over not being able to read the social signals and feeling unwelcome all came back to me last night here at Hedo. Continue reading

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Nude Pool Party II

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Eric Fischl, THE SWIMMING LOVERS, 1984

HIM: Last year’s Nude Pool Party went quite well, and we were looking forward to building on it, when life got in the way. Two deaths in the family completely upended our 2016 summer schedule, and suddenly social skinny dipping slipped way down the priority list. Life is serious, for sure, but frivolity is important, too. In fact, one of the surest signs of healing is a desire for a little mindless fun. For us, that meant Nude Pool Party II: The Sequel.

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Male Bisexuality: An Experiment

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Gilbert & George ‘FAMILY TREE’ 1991

HIM:  In our first year of blogging, we’ve published 39 articles on our sexual adventures. We’ve written about threesomes and foursomes; cock size and boob jobs; sex clubs and lifestyle resorts. Which one do you think had the most readers?

HER: Probably the one about nude photography.  The title is good click bait.

HIM: You’re close: that was our second most popular. But it turns out that our most viewed piece was the one on male bisexuality called The Lifestyle has a Bi(g) Problem. It was about how almost every female swinger seems to be bi-something while their male partners go to great lengths to proclaim themselves 100% straight. Looking back at that article now, it seems somewhat clinical, just the two of us talking about people’s attitudes. But I did admit that I was interested in experimenting in that direction. Continue reading

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