Big (Black) Cock


Dumas -Couples-1994

Marlene Dumas ‘Couples’ 1994

HIM: On a recent episode of Dan Savage’s ‘Savage Love’ podcast, he took a call that was both shocking and poignant. A black man in the Southern U.S. phoned in to talk about his experience working as an escort while in college to help pay his bills. One night, a client — a middle-aged white woman — asked him if he was willing to do anything to please her. He agreed, not sure what she had in mind. Arriving at her home, she asked him to join her upstairs in the bedroom. When he walked in the door, he was surprised to see the woman’s husband sitting on a chair in the corner. She asked if it was ok for her husband to watch and, though he felt somewhat uncomfortable, he agreed. Once they were having sex, however, the husband started saying racially-charged things to his wife like “fuck that nigger dick” (God, even quoting it feels disgusting). Although he was troubled by the turn of events, the young man persevered. Afterward the woman tried to explain that her husband wasn’t a racist, but that he simply got off on the taboo. Now, many years later, as a husband and father, he feels traumatized by this memory he had managed to suppress for such a long time. Continue reading

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Real Talks: Massage Parlors


Pablo Picasso ‘Les Demoiselles d’Avignon’ 1907

HER: We’ve all seen them: the flashing neon ‘massage’ sign in a conspicuous location in an industrial park, or the ‘spa’ located on the second-floor of a downtown walk up. It’s usually obvious by the suggestive names that these are not the sorts of places you’d go to ease your lower back pain, or get a nice mani/pedi. I had always wondered, with a mixture of fascination and repulsion, what goes on in those places.

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Hurts So Good

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Andrea Mantegna ‘St. Sebastian (detail)’ 1480

HER: On a recent weekend trip with our new favourite couple, I found myself on all fours while you knelt behind me, spanking my ass and pussy. I looked around at one point, and you, without anyone near your cock, were rock hard. Our friends were offering occasional touches, but mainly standing back to enjoy the show. In the midst of all this, I wondered, ‘what is it about pain that can be so arousing?’

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Breaking Up is Hard to Do


Peter Paul Rubens ‘The Judgment of Paris’ 1636

HIM: Everyone gets into the world of swinging because they want to get together with other people. The truth is, however, that you’ll probably do more breaking up than hooking up. For every couple you say yes to, there will probably be several you have to say no to. Continue reading

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Other Voices, Other Rooms: Polyamory, Hotwifing, etc.

Dumas -Couples-1994

Marlene Dumas ‘Couples’ 1994

HIM: Sometimes I feel like we’re very experienced in the lifestyle, but at other times the truth becomes obvious: we’re really just getting started, and a million miles from having it all figured out. Or anything figured out. And that’s actually a good thing.

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Real Talks: Sex and Drugs

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Damien Hirst ‘The Tears of Jesus (detail)’ 2003

HIM: Have I mentioned here before that, during my first marriage, I wasn’t completely faithful?

HER: I think we’ve hinted at it.

HIM: Okay, well, let me spell it out: during my 26 year sex-starved marriage I had two affairs, both lasting about 18 months. Now, this isn’t an article about affairs (which we’ll definitely have to talk about in a future article), but they play a role in the subject I want to explore.

HER: Baby, didn’t we just talk about starting our articles with more clarity and impact? This is terrible so far. What exactly do you want to discuss?

HIM: Alright, I want to talk about sex and pharmaceuticals. Continue reading

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Real Talks: Boob Jobs


Unknown Artist (School of Fontainebleau) ‘Gabrielle D’Estrees and one of her Sisters’ c. 1594

HIM: A couple weeks ago, a Twitter friend put out a post seeking advice. Along with a picture of her frankly already beautiful breasts, she said that she was going for enhancement surgery and asked for suggestions regarding size. Someone we happen to admire said “whatever size you think is best, go 25cc’s bigger,” and several people echoed the sentiment. We were in shock, though we shouldn’t have been. Why is it that people always think bigger is better? Whatever happened to less is more?

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The Softest of Soft-Swaps

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George Condo ‘Reclining Nude Forms’ 2001

HER: Recently, we had what turned out to be one of the most erotic weekends ever. Were we dancing half naked at the club, hooking up with our old threesome buddies, and full swapping with some hot new friends? Nope. Not even close. Merely flirting with the idea of having sex with other people got us so hot we could barely leave the bedroom.

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The Lifestyle has a Bi(g) Problem

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Barbara Kruger ‘Untitled’ 1981

HIM: The other day, on a hunch, I conducted a little study. I did a random search for 50 couples on a swingers’ website, and counted how many people identified themselves as any kind of bisexual. Among the women, forty-three claimed to be sexually attracted to both males and females. Among the men, just two chose to identify themselves that way. In fact, many of the men went to surprising lengths in their written profiles to proclaim that they were 100% straight, as if it was a personal achievement worth bragging about. Now, all of this will surprise no one who has spent any time in the lifestyle, but it is a subject worth looking at a little more closely. Why is it that bisexuality is so broadly embraced among women, but among men…not so much? Continue reading

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Unleashing the Swinger Within

Colville couple on beach 1957

Alex Colville ‘Couple on Beach’ 1957

HER:  The question our readers ask us most frequently is how to help their partners become more sexually open. Usually, they want to interest them in swapping of some kind. More often than not, it’s men who pose the question, although I know there are lots of women who are wondering the same thing. It’s almost impossible to answer, though, because this is really the question for all time: how do you get people to do what you want them to do? Forget about sex – how do you get the boss to give you a raise? How do you get your kids to try harder at school? How do you get Donald Trump to give up on that ridiculous comb-over? Honestly – you’re not fooling anyone! Continue reading

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