A Lady’s Advice for Gentlemen in the Lifestyle

AA Remrandt THE JEWISH Bride 1667

Rembrandt Van Rijn THE JEWISH BRIDE 1667

HER: Okay, guys, you’ve got me all to yourself this time. Huddle up. I’m going to let you in on a few secrets to succeeding with the ladies, not just in the lifestyle, but in life in general. Unfortunately, to most effectively illustrate what I’m talking about, I’m going to have to pick on some people I actually like very much. Hopefully their stories will help our readers avoid the mistakes these otherwise great guys have made. Continue reading

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Nude Pool Party III: The Orgy

Ed Rushca Nine Swimming Pools 1968

Ed Ruscha, ‘NINE SWIMMING POOLS’, 1968

HIM: After our second Nude Pool Party we felt strongly that we were getting closer to our original vision: a gathering of cool, open-minded people in a total sexual and social ‘flow state’. In the moment. No boundaries. All that would be required to make our third ‘Nude Pool Party’ a total success would be a few tweaks.

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Hedo Diaries: Getting Ditched



Masaccio (Tommaso di Ser Giovanni di Simone) THE EXPULSION FROM THE GARDEN, 1425

January 4, 2017

HER: Believe it or not, I am an incredibly shy person by nature. When I was young, I hung back when others were having fun because I always imagined my presence would somehow ruin it. I never wanted to be the unwelcome third wheel, and I haven’t completely gotten over that feeling. For me, the world of swinging opened up a new avenue to connect socially: I could use my sexuality — something I feel confident about — to make friends — which I find difficult.  But my insecurities over not being able to read the social signals and feeling unwelcome all came back to me last night here at Hedo. Continue reading

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Nude Pool Party II


Eric Fischl, THE SWIMMING LOVERS, 1984

HIM: Last year’s Nude Pool Party went quite well, and we were looking forward to building on it, when life got in the way. Two deaths in the family completely upended our 2016 summer schedule, and suddenly social skinny dipping slipped way down the priority list. Life is serious, for sure, but frivolity is important, too. In fact, one of the surest signs of healing is a desire for a little mindless fun. For us, that meant Nude Pool Party II: The Sequel.

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Male Bisexuality: An Experiment

Family Tree 1991 by Gilbert & George born 1943, born 1942

Gilbert & George ‘FAMILY TREE’ 1991

HIM:  In our first year of blogging, we’ve published 39 articles on our sexual adventures. We’ve written about threesomes and foursomes; cock size and boob jobs; sex clubs and lifestyle resorts. Which one do you think had the most readers?

HER: Probably the one about nude photography.  The title is good click bait.

HIM: You’re close: that was our second most popular. But it turns out that our most viewed piece was the one on male bisexuality called The Lifestyle has a Bi(g) Problem. It was about how almost every female swinger seems to be bi-something while their male partners go to great lengths to proclaim themselves 100% straight. Looking back at that article now, it seems somewhat clinical, just the two of us talking about people’s attitudes. But I did admit that I was interested in experimenting in that direction. Continue reading

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When life gets in the way: Anxiety and Sex


Egon Schiele FEMALE NUDE 1918

HER: F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said, “There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired.” We’ve spent a lot of time being both the pursued and the pursuing in the sexual journey we’ve been on for the past few years, but these last six months have left us firmly in the last two categories: busy and tired, with little energy for sex and even less for writing about it.

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Consent is Sexy


Roy Lichtenstein ‘Two Nudes from the Nude Series’ 1994

HIM: It seems you can’t turn around lately without hearing about the issue of consent. The Stanford Rape Case, in which an elite varsity athlete was discovered attempting to have sex with an unconscious woman behind a frat house, is only the most recent high-profile example.

Stories like this are shocking to read about, but daily life abounds with many less extreme examples. Although the Lifestyle is generally populated by people with progressive, sex-positive attitudes, it is not a paradise of enlightenment. The problem for swingers is that, because you’re up for more than the average person, some people seem to think that means you’re up for anything, any time.

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Nude Pool Party


David Hockney ‘Peter Getting out of Nick’s Pool’ 1966

HIM: I’m not much for pools. I think of swimming as a handy skill to have if your canoe tips over, but not the kind of thing a person with options would do for fun. When it came time for us to move in together, however, one of the features near the top of your wishlist was a backyard with a pool. I was more concerned about other things until you whispered those three magic words to me in the real estate agent’s office.

Nude Pool Party. Continue reading

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Big. Black. Cock.


Dumas -Couples-1994

Marlene Dumas ‘Couples’ 1994

HIM: On a recent episode of Dan Savage’s ‘Savage Love’ podcast, he took a call that was both shocking and poignant. A black man in the Southern U.S. phoned in to talk about his experience working as an escort while in college to help pay his bills. One night, a client — a middle-aged white woman — asked him if he was willing to do anything to please her. He agreed, not sure what she had in mind. Arriving at her home, she asked him to join her upstairs in the bedroom. When he walked in the door, he was surprised to see the woman’s husband sitting on a chair in the corner. She asked if it was ok for her husband to watch and, though he felt somewhat uncomfortable, he agreed. Once they were having sex, however, the husband started saying racially-charged things to his wife like “fuck that nigger dick” (God, even quoting it feels disgusting). Although he was troubled by the turn of events, the young man persevered. Afterward the woman tried to explain that her husband wasn’t a racist, but that he simply got off on the taboo. Now, many years later, as a husband and father, he feels traumatized by this memory he had managed to suppress for such a long time. Continue reading

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Real Talks: Massage Parlors


Pablo Picasso ‘Les Demoiselles d’Avignon’ 1907

HER: We’ve all seen them: the flashing neon ‘massage’ sign in a conspicuous location in an industrial park, or the ‘spa’ located on the second-floor of a downtown walk up. It’s usually obvious by the suggestive names that these are not the sorts of places you’d go to ease your lower back pain, or get a nice mani/pedi. I had always wondered, with a mixture of fascination and repulsion, what goes on in those places.

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