Shame and Vulnerability

Sex is about vulnerability. We take off our clothes — our armour — and expose the most delicate parts of ourselves to each other. When we think of our earliest ancestors, living on the African savanna, having sex involved putting their very lives at risk.

Naughty in N’awlins

At one party, I was grinding with a dude who told me to check out his shorts. It felt like he had a baseball bat on his leg! He grabbed my ass and asked how much I could take. I said nine inches was about my max. He said ‘I’m packing at least ten, but I promise to be gentle’.

Sex Therapy

It’s alarming for a man when you see a boob and it’s erotically indistinguishable from an elbow. When your wife says, “I’ll do anything you want,” and you can’t actually think of anything that would turn you on, you feel a deep sense of panic.  But I wasn’t the only one who was struggling to get sexually motivated.

Mind the Gap: Age Differences in the Lifestyle

We’re 57 and 42, for the record. Age has always been something we have to think about a little more than the average couple. If I had been eighteen and you thirty-three when we got together, it would have been scandalous. Fifteen and thirty, and it would have been illegal!

Assault and Harassment: Every Woman’s Story

HER: Like many women, I have watched in horror and awe the events of the last year. The wave of protests and #MeToo stories sparked by the Harvey Weinstein case (which broke almost exactly one year ago) seemed to crash over the rocks of the recent Brett Kavenaugh confirmation hearings. Just when we thought things…

Are Lifestyle Friendships Real Friendships?

HER: A Twitter friend recently posted a comment she found in an online forum. The contributor basically said that lifestyle people are some of the most enjoyable people she has been around, but that, in the end, these people have only one thing on their minds. And because it’s all about the sex, it’s hard…

Hedo Diaries: An Older Woman

HIM: The other day I accidentally pushed the wrong button on my phone and the forward facing camera clicked on. The image of an old man suddenly appeared on the screen. My immediate thought was that I looked pretty good for a 70 year old. The problem is, I’m just 56. HER: Oh, baby, I’m…

Men and Affairs

HIM: In the April 6th edition of The New York Times, I read an impressive article by Karin Jones entitled What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity. First of all, simply writing the piece under her own name (The New York Times does not allow pseudonyms) required a rare level of bravery. Being…

How to Write a Great Online Profile

HER: Ten years ago, people would cringe when they admitted they had met online (if they admitted to it at all). Today, it’s surprising when new couples actually meet the old fashioned way: in person, by accident. With so much of our lives lived on the internet, it makes sense that we would look for…

Dealing with Jealousy

HER: “We are jealous animals.” That’s how Dr Helen Fisher explained her belief that open marriages don’t work when she was interviewed on a Canadian radio documentary called ‘How to Survive the Dating Apocalypse’. She said she would never entertain the idea of an open relationship herself because she is just “too jealous.” Clearly, claiming…