The Pants On/Pants Off Transition

HIM: In almost every lifestyle situation, there is a potentially awkward moment: the transition from ‘pants on’ fun to ‘pants off’ fun. After eight years, you’d think we’d have a formula worked out, but we don’t.  We always seem to be making it up as we go along, as if every time is the first…

Our DIY Lifestyle Vacation

HER: One of the most frustrating consequences of the Covid-19 pandemic has been the shut down of non-essential travel. For us, that included the cancellation of lifestyle events like ‘Podcast-A-Palooza’  and ‘Naughty in ‘Nawlins’. Although resorts such as Desire and Hedonism have reopened, we felt that getting together with large numbers of strangers was just…

Shame and Vulnerability

Sex is about vulnerability. We take off our clothes — our armour — and expose the most delicate parts of ourselves to each other. When we think of our earliest ancestors, living on the African savanna, having sex involved putting their very lives at risk.

Naughty in N’awlins

At one party, I was grinding with a dude who told me to check out his shorts. It felt like he had a baseball bat on his leg! He grabbed my ass and asked how much I could take. I said nine inches was about my max. He said ‘I’m packing at least ten, but I promise to be gentle’.

Sex Therapy

It’s alarming for a man when you see a boob and it’s erotically indistinguishable from an elbow. When your wife says, “I’ll do anything you want,” and you can’t actually think of anything that would turn you on, you feel a deep sense of panic.  But I wasn’t the only one who was struggling to get sexually motivated.

Mind the Gap: Age Differences in the Lifestyle

We’re 57 and 42, for the record. Age has always been something we have to think about a little more than the average couple. If I had been eighteen and you thirty-three when we got together, it would have been scandalous. Fifteen and thirty, and it would have been illegal!

Assault and Harassment: Every Woman’s Story

HER: Like many women, I have watched in horror and awe the events of the last year. The wave of protests and #MeToo stories sparked by the Harvey Weinstein case (which broke almost exactly one year ago) seemed to crash over the rocks of the recent Brett Kavenaugh confirmation hearings. Just when we thought things…

Are Lifestyle Friendships Real Friendships?

HER: A Twitter friend recently posted a comment she found in an online forum. The contributor basically said that lifestyle people are some of the most enjoyable people she has been around, but that, in the end, these people have only one thing on their minds. And because it’s all about the sex, it’s hard…

Hedo Diaries: An Older Woman

HIM: The other day I accidentally pushed the wrong button on my phone and the forward facing camera clicked on. The image of an old man suddenly appeared on the screen. My immediate thought was that I looked pretty good for a 70 year old. The problem is, I’m just 56. HER: Oh, baby, I’m…

Men and Affairs

HIM: In the April 6th edition of The New York Times, I read an impressive article by Karin Jones entitled What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity. First of all, simply writing the piece under her own name (The New York Times does not allow pseudonyms) required a rare level of bravery. Being…