HER: When I was a kid, I ate an entire chocolate easter bunny in one sitting (who hasn’t?). And, of course, I got sick. I remember my mom saying something about too much of a good thing. Naughty in N’awlins was a little like that Easter bunny.
HIM: For anyone who hasn’t heard of it, Naughty in N’awlins is the largest swinger convention in North America. Held each July in “the Big Easy,” the event attracts thousands of non-monogamists for five days of seminars, partying and lots of sex. There were so many layers for us: the professional, the social, and the sexual. Exactly what part did you think was ‘too much’?
HER: Well, the ‘professional’ part was fantastic (it’s misleading to even use that word, because we’ve never made a penny from this blog, but whatever). I loved reconnecting with some of our favourite podcasters: Swinging Down Under, We Gotta Thing, Swinger Diaries, and Torrid Souls. And we got to meet in person some people we only knew from Twitter, like the awesome folks at Average Swingers, Casual Swingers, Euphoria Chronicles, Life on the Swingset, and the Swinging Cajuns. We could write a five-star review about each one of these couples! However much you might like their podcasts, they are even more amazing in person.
HIM: One of the best things about our involvement with the lifestyle community is that the ‘professional’ merges pretty seamlessly with the ‘social’. It’s not like work, where you spend a lot of time with people you would never connect with unless you were getting paid.
HER: The socializing was amazing! We actually made it a goal in advance of the event to invite a different couple to join us every time we sat down to a meal. I think we only ate two breakfasts alone. The meals were wonderful opportunities to get away from the noise and really connect with people we liked. But the unexpected bonus was how, just by bumping into people in the lobby or on Bourbon Street, you got to have little moments that added up to real connections by the end of the week.
HIM: I definitely preferred that individual relationship building to the busy bar scene. I remember telling one person at the foam party that The Beach bar was my definition of Hell: jam-packed, sweltering hot, and deafeningly loud. There were times when you raised your voice to say something to me, and it felt like a small-bore drill bit piercing my ear drum.
HER: That’s because you’re old.
HIM: Baby, I was a touring musician in my twenties. I know loud. I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now.
HER: Okay. But seriously, I really enjoyed those events. Even if I couldn’t talk, I could drink, dance, and rub up against people. And the bars that hosted the daily parties were always close together, so you could move easily between the different locations to find the one that suited you best. There were a couple days when you went back to the hotel for a nap, and I just stayed out at the parties. I was confident that, even if I didn’t know anyone, I would make new friends. At one party, I ran into friends of ours from Hedo who we hadn’t seen in a few years. At another place, I got pulled into grinding with a dude who told me to check out his shorts. Not exactly smooth, but I did as he asked. It felt like he had a baseball bat on his leg! He grabbed my ass and asked how much I could take. I said nine inches was about my max. He said ‘I’m packing at least ten, but I promise to be gentle’. I moved on shortly after, leaving him with the admonition to be careful with that thing. So yeah, I made some friends.
HIM: That’s my girl! No matter how much we appreciate the professional and social parts, in the end, the lifestyle is all about sex. And there was lots of sex going on.
HER: Well, sort of. I experienced a little bit of swinger ADD. With about 2,400 sex-positive people all in one place, the possibilities were practically endless. Imagine the population of a resort like Hedonism or Desire, then multiply that by three or four times. It really was too much of a good thing.
HIM: I agree. How do you say ‘this is the one’ when something even better might be just around the corner? It’s kind of like online dating: even when we didn’t mean to, we were constantly ‘swiping right’ in real life. And I think most people at Naughty were suffering from a little of that feeling. It seemed like there was never enough time to truly connect with any one couple and seal the deal.
HER: Between the parties, seminars, theme dances, and multiple playrooms, it was hard to find people later on that you might have started something promising with earlier. Like that young couple we talked to at the podcasters’ meet-and-greet (hosted by Swinging Down Under). We had a very nice conversation there, followed by breakfast together the next morning. That night, after dancing with them (and on them), I said we were going to check out the playrooms. I left the invitation implied rather than explicit, because they were fairly new and I didn’t want to put them on the spot. We found out later that what we thought was subtle, they found confusing. They had agonized over whether or not to join us, so you and I ended up playing alone in the pretty white playroom that night. By the next evening, we had already made plans for dinner with another couple, which turned into an invitation to play with them, so the opportunity with the young couple just kind of evaporated.
HIM: Some things didn’t even get that far. There were a few other couples who we were really attracted to, and the feeling seemed mutual. We exchanged contact info on the spot, but couldn’t seem to reconnect later.
HER: Everything finally came together with our new friends from California, though. It all started at a group dinner the night before. Even though they were sitting at the other end of the table from us, I felt like there was a connection forming.
HIM: I think the key moment was when he confessed somewhat sheepishly to the group that he had been a competitive Scrabble champion. I reassured him that that fact alone had probably made you wet! Everyone laughed, but I wasn’t joking. He was clearly your kind of guy. For me, however, the connection with his wife actually started on the way to the restaurant. I was lagging behind the group due to a flare-up of my sometimes bad knee, and she stopped to wait for me while the rest of the group went on ahead. Nothing turns me on like being the object of pity.
HIM: Well, it was enough to prompt me to do something pretty out of character. The next day, while you were off grinding on baseball bat guy, I spotted the two of them in the lobby bar at our hotel, chatting with another couple. I decided to try an experiment: I took a seat by the entrance so they would definitely see me when they came out.
HER: So, basically you stalked them.
HIM: No, I was crafting an opportunity. If there really was a connection, a conversation would happen naturally. If not, they would just nod in my direction as they walked on past. And, what do you know? We actually had a nice little talk. It was clear that they felt something, too. I suggested we have dinner that night, and they jumped at the opportunity.
HER: We ended up having a mediocre meal rescued by excellent company. Their life stories were fascinating, to say the least! Both of them had unconventionally religious upbringings, with enough twists and turns to fill a couple of HBO documentaries. When the cheque arrived, I determined that I would not make the same mistake I had earlier in the week. I told them outright that I really liked where things were going, and that I’d love to have them come up to our room for a drink (code for ‘play’). They agreed, and went back to their room to ‘freshen up’ (code for ‘have a conversation’). When they arrived at our door, they explained they’d like to just have some girl-on-girl time and parallel play. That was actually perfect for us, because it would allow me to have some fun, and for you to take your time without any pressure. And let me just clarify: I’m not just one of those ‘bi comfortable’ swingers. I really LOVE girls, so being able to kiss her, and press my naked body up against hers, and lavish a lot of attention on her beautiful pussy was a huge turn-on. After I made her come, she went down on me while I sucked his cock for a bit. I wondered after if that was okay, given their rules, but it seemed natural in the moment. Eventually you came over to the bed and the two of us rode our men while we did some creative reaching across. So hot.
HIM: Although she definitely had a shy side, her finger tips were full of self-confidence. She played my lower registers like a virtuoso while my cock slid into and out of you. That could easily have sufficed as the highlight of the week, but we were still in pursuit of a full swap. The curse of the hedonist: always wanting more. We had come a long way, after all. How could we leave a huge swinger convention without ‘actually swinging’?
HER: I know. Looking back, it seems stupid, but in the moment, it was a big deal. The truth was, there were two conflicting forces at work on our final night. We really wanted to have sex with another couple, but lust was not the driving force. It was more like we felt some kind of obligation as committed lifestylers. At the same time, however, we were exhausted, and we had to catch an early flight the next morning. So we ended up saying yes to the first offer that came along. We accepted when we really should have called it a night.
HIM: On the way to their room, I remember thinking ‘What am I doing? I couldn’t generate a sexual thought right now if you paid me’. I think five days of calculated over-stimulation had drained me. My only hope was that I might have some kind of erotic ‘muscle memory’ response once the clothes came off. How were you feeling?
HER: I knew you weren’t in a very sexual headspace, but I was open to something fun coming out of it. We had a great connection with this couple throughout the week and that had continued when we had dinner together, where we really got to know them better. So, when we got to the room, I jumped right in, as I usually do. He and I took one bed and left you two on the other. But after zooming through foreplay and into fucking for a while, I started to get distracted by what was happening on your bed. Which was not much.
HIM: I had figured my best shot was to give her a mountain-top oral experience. Operating on sheer willpower I gave it my all, but by the time you looked over, we had overshot the peak and were now sliding helplessly down the other side. She offered to return the favour, but I hate receiving oral when I’m not hard – and, reader, I was not even slightly hard – so I declined. I didn’t have any other tricks up my sleeve, so I was grateful when you suggested to him that we switch back to our own partners.
HER: You did rally at that point. Coming back to me is often the recipe for success in these situations. And, sure enough, you were able to get it up and give them a good show. And it certainly felt like a performance. I had hoped they would continue to play, but they just cuddled up and watched us. Which is fine for an exhibitionist like me.
HIM: And that was it for Naughty in N’awlins. We went back to our room to get a few hours of sleep before waking up at 4:30am to fly home. The week had played out differently than we expected, but the great parts were really, really great. The ultimate test, however, rests on the answer to one simple question: would we do it again? Do you want to return for Naughty in N’awlins 2020?
HER: Absolutely! Sure, it was a little too much, but it seems like ‘too much of a good thing’ is just about enough for me.