HIM: It’s sometimes tempting to feel that your sexual fantasies are set very early on in life. After all, how many possibilities are there? How many body parts? How many positions before you get into the purely gymnastic? But I have to say that the thing that turns me on the most at present is something I had never even given a stray thought to until less than three years ago. And it originated with a bizarre story you told me after coming home from a lunch with your cousin.

HER: As open-minded as I am, even I was a little surprised by this story. It all started with my cousin’s husband encouraging her to flirt with a guy at work who she had mentioned was pretty hot. Now, her husband is the jealous sort, and she was a little reluctant, but she couldn’t deny her attraction to this other man, so she eventually went along with it. It began with texts, which she and her husband composed together. Then, at her husband’s urging, she gave the guy a blowjob at work. She went home and told her husband all about it, and they had amazing sex for days after. Later, she made a video of herself giving the other guy head, and she and her husband watched it together several times. Eventually, her husband paid for a hotel room, and my cousin had her colleague come meet her there. They had sex and he came inside her. He left soon after and then her husband, who had been waiting in the car, came in and licked her clean then fucked her. She said it was the most incredible sex they’d ever had.

HIM: Boy, reading what you just wrote brings it all right back. When you told me this story it hit me like a bolt of lightning. It was one of those things that can’t be explained – it completely bypassed my logical faculties and connected at a more primitive level. It wasn’t the specific details of what they did, but the simple, counter-intuitive idea of wanting your woman to have sex with another man that electrified me. How could it be that the thing that so many men fear the most – the subject of so many hurtin’ songs – could be so exciting? Up until then I assumed it was in the Bible somewhere that a threesome always meant one man and two women (FMF). I had never considered the other possibility – two men and one woman (MFM). Suddenly, it was all I could think about. Whenever we were fucking, that’s where my mind went. And then one day I had an idea.

I had only met your ex-boyfriend, Derek, once, but laying in bed one morning it occurred to me that he would make a perfect third. He was a good looking guy, and I knew that you still found him attractive, but no one would mistake him for a movie star. And because he was a little older than me, I didn’t think I would feel threatened.

HER: Well, that and the fact that he and I had already had a relationship that ended for very valid reasons. I still liked the man, and I was certain he would be respectful of me and of my relationship with you. I also knew him well enough to feel he might not be put off by having another naked man in the room. Even so, I thought you were a little crazy. Watching me go down on a woman – which you had enjoyed many times before — would be a completely different experience from watching another man fuck me (I imagined). I worried about it damaging your ego and our relationship. Nothing is worth that to me. It seemed too risky.

HIM: I know. I understood your reasoning. I had done some research, though, and learned that this preference that seemed so surprising to me was kind of a ‘thing’. It wasn’t just a crazy plan that your cousin and her husband had cooked up – many couples were doing it. There were lots of variations, many of which had to do with humiliating the man for his lack of prowess or endowment. That approach had no appeal for me. I think I was really most interested in experiencing your sexuality in a different way. Rather than being up close, there would be some distance. Rather than it being about love, I would get to see you in a purely sexual way.

So I made my case to you. To begin with, I felt like the risk was minimal because we both knew I was very capable of managing my emotions. It was my idea and I wouldn’t hold you responsible if it somehow went poorly. I also felt that it was important to try things that were challenging, that if we only ever did things that were guaranteed safe, we would never grow. So I asked if you would approach Derek.

HER: I eventually did. I went to visit him in his office, and, after some small talk, I jumped right in with something like, “My man wants to watch me get fucked by another man. Are you interested?” After a brief moment of shock, he said that sounded pretty hot. I told him that you would be in touch with him about the details. My job as the go-between ended there, per your request.

HIM: I liked it that way because it was important to me to have some control. I wanted Derek to know that his access to you came only with my permission, just like I wouldn’t touch another woman without yours. So I met him at a local restaurant and we had a very frank conversation. He was extremely reasonable and respectful of both of us, and concerned to make it a positive experience for everyone. He couldn’t have conducted himself more perfectly. So we set a date for two weeks later.

Him and Her

Liam & Kate are a married couple, very much in love, writing honestly and insightfully about their adventures in the world of non-monogamy.

www.themonogamishmarriage.com