HER: There we were: three couples on two beds in our poolside hotel room, playing and swapping, with a growing audience of appreciative onlookers watching through the large picture window. It was one of the hottest experiences we have ever had in the lifestyle, and definitely the highlight of our weekend in Niagara Falls.

HIM: We should probably back up a little. Every year around Valentine’s Day, couples from all over Southern Ontario and upstate New York (and even further afield) congregate in Niagara Falls for a swinger’s hotel takeover. The ‘hotel takeover’ is exactly what it sounds like: a temporary lifestyle resort set up in a regular, non-lifestyle hotel. When our good friends Mark and Lisa told us they were going, we decided to give it a try. We also invited our friends Dominic and Maria, who had met Mark and Lisa at a previous party of ours.

HER: We arrived early Friday afternoon, eager to check in, scope the place out, and have lunch with Mark and Lisa. They had driven six hours to be there, and had wisely decided to arrive the night before.

As the four of us headed to the restaurant, I got a shock that threatened to derail the entire weekend. Walking by the meeting hall that would later house the speed dating event, I peeked in and came face to face with a woman I work with. I mean, I had just seen her in the office the day before. In all our time in the lifestyle, this was the moment I had always dreaded. By pure instinct, I turned right back around without saying a word and proceeded to the restaurant, even though she had obviously seen me too.

HIM: You were pretty freaked out at lunch.

HER: I can’t afford for our lifestyle adventures to become common knowledge at work. It would be fine if I could count on my co-workers to take the mature view of things, but the fact is that I can usually count on the opposite.

HIM: But hold on — obviously she would have the same worry. You’d each have some leverage over the other.

HER: Yeah, I’ve been in that boat before. Remember the last time I trusted a colleague with our blogging secret?

HIM: Ok, I get that. But you know there is a chance that she spent the rest of the day just as freaked out as you were.

HER: I know.  She managed to avoid me until the next day.

HIM: Aside from that little scare, though, it looked to me like you were able to enjoy yourself. The hotel was well set up for a swingers’ event. There was a large covered central courtyard with a pool and ‘garden’, surrounded by two levels of rooms. We had chosen a unit facing the pool, while Mark and Lisa had opted to stay in the tower, which would definitely be quieter. As the DJ filled the cavernous space with music, we spent the rest of the afternoon rotating between our room and the pool and the hot tub, partaking in what might be our favorite lifestyle activity of all: people watching.

HER: Almost everyone facing into the courtyard had decorated their doors, and many had moved a table and chairs outside with treats to entice people to linger. It was like a giant sexual shopping mall. One couple even brought a frozen drink machine like they have in convenience stores and was serving margaritas! It was a fun atmosphere, but we didn’t really plunge in. Then, late in the afternoon, they announced that there would be sexy games by the pool. They started out fairly tame, including a dance-off and a wet t-shirt/wet briefs contest. The final game, though, was a big, hot mess.

HIM: The men had to make banana splits on the women’s bodies and then eat them. Now, I have to start by saying that playing with food has no attraction for me. I’m way too much of a clean freak.

HER: Same for me. I hate being sticky.

HIM: But, when one of the women ended up on her hands and knees with whipped cream and chocolate sauce all over her ass, and her partner sliding a banana into and out of her vagina in front of a crowd, it really turned me on.

HER: Ew! Can you imagine the clean up?

HIM: Listen, I’m not suggesting that we give it a try some time, but…isn’t that the way it goes with sex? Sometimes the thing you never even remotely considered sexy suddenly grabs your attention. I think it was the fact that they were ordinary people, not paid performers, doing this undignified thing in front of an audience.

HER: I guess. Anyway, it wasn’t long after that Dominic and Maria arrived and the six of us headed out for dinner. I couldn’t stop thinking about that woman I knew from work, so it was nice to be surrounded by friends off-site after feeling a little shy at the hotel all afternoon.

HIM: I agree, and I would say we were able to carry that comfortable feeling right back onto the dance floor once the six of us returned to the hotel. Even as our individual orbits spun off in separate directions, we kept getting pulled back together into close contact. So it seemed like the most natural thing in the world when Mark suggested we all head up to our room for fun since it was so close by.

HER: You and I and Mark and Lisa went up right away. Dominic and Maria wanted to go back to their room first, which actually worked very well. I think within three seconds of closing the door to our room I had Mark’s pants off and his cock in my mouth. Were you ready for that? I know I can move pretty fast sometimes.

HIM: No, but I liked it. He is such a nice guy, and we’ve known them for a long time, so everything about that scenario was working for me. I was moving a little slower, of course, kissing Lisa as we took each other’s clothes off. When she was naked, I asked her to lay down on the bed so I could lick her pussy. She has an almost infinite orgasmic capacity, so I just worked away as she racked up the climaxes.

HER: Sorry to be the English major here, but a climax is a singular event. If you have more than one, they can’t be climaxes. They’re more like, I don’t know…highlights?

HIM: OK. She came and came and came. Does that work?

HER: Sure. I’m very jealous of her ability to do that. Anyway, while you were preoccupied making Lisa come and come and come, Dominic and Maria slipped into the room. By this time, Mark and I were fucking on the bed by the door. I think he had me in the doggy position, so Dominic took his clothes off and I sucked his cock while his wife got undressed. Swinger’s Etiquette says that you can’t leave a woman to fuck her own husband in a group sex situation, so I handed Mark over to Maria when she was ready and I took on Dominic.

HIM: Swinger’s Etiquette?

HER: Work with me here — I’m kind of making this up as I go. But as you know, I’ve been with Dominic before and he works really well for me. Also, he’s pretty high energy. He likes to work through several positions, and he’s one of the few men I’ve been with in the lifestyle who can reliably make me come.

HIM: Lisa is also pretty high energy, actually, but after a while it seemed like she got tired of orgasming. That sounds wrong, somehow, but I suppose it’s possible (you can be sure no man will ever know what it means to get tired of orgasming!).  So she decided to return the favour by giving me oral. I was only half erect from directing all my efforts to her enjoyment, but I decided to just lean back and enjoy the sensations. As you know, my expectations of oral sex are generally pretty low. I have only had an orgasm from oral sex three times in my life – twice from a previous girlfriend many years ago, and once from you at the beginning of our relationship. But after a couple of minutes I started to feel really, really good.

HER: Was she doing something different?

HIM: There were a few things going on. First of all, among our friends, Lisa is famously committed to her yoga practice. She is extremely fit and flexible. Part of my problem with oral sex is that I’m always afraid it will become uncomfortable for the woman, but given Lisa’s flexibility I was able to relax. Secondly, her technique was very good. I think part of being good at oral sex is not razzle-dazzling your partner with every move in the Happy Hooker’s Handbook, but locking in on a nice combination of sensation and rhythm. And that’s exactly what she did, with a little twist every so often to keep it interesting. Thirdly, and this is a big one, you and Dominic were putting on quite a show on the other bed. At one point you had your legs up over his shoulders so I had a great view of his cock entering you and — I have to say this — your asshole. It was so incredibly hot to me. At one point Maria came over, while Lisa was still blowing me, to enjoy the show our spouses were putting on together. I knew she would like the view for exactly the same reasons, because she’s something of an anal aficionado.

HER: I don’t know if you noticed at the time, but while you were watching the show from that side, a group of people were forming outside our window. I had left the curtains wide open on purpose. I’m a huge exhibitionist. So when I saw some people pulling up chairs to watch, I made sure to put on a great show. While I was getting it from Dominic, his wife came over (I guess that was after admiring my asshole with you) and sat on my face, exposing her ass to the window, while she blew Mark who knelt beside me. Then she starting fucking Mark again. Dominic flipped me over and I came while smiling for the audience. I mean, I was smiling until my O-face took over. It was pretty surreal.

HIM: Well, with that bombardment of arousing imagery, I started to feel like I was going to come. I closed my eyes and, like any gentleman, I warned Lisa so she could pull away if she didn’t want me to come in her mouth. Swinger’s Etiquette, and all. And sure enough, just a few moments later, she did pull away. But not for the reason I expected.

HER: I guess your eyes were closed when I finished with Dominic and you didn’t see me walk over to you. I was worried that you might be in that place where I’ve seen you so often, where you know you’re not going to come, but you don’t want to seem ungrateful to the girl who is giving it her all. So I tapped Lisa on the shoulder in a way that said “I’ll take it from here.” As she pulled her head back, I took your cock with my hand, gave it precisely two strokes, and you came hard.

HIM: The feeling was amazing. Nothing against your handiwork, but basically, all the credit has to go to Lisa. In the language of soccer, she deked out the entire other team twice over and then slid the ball over to you for an easy tap in.

HER: What?

HIM: Sorry, I pictured that metaphor working out better than it actually did.

HER: So, is it possible that all six of us had at least one orgasm?

HIM: Neither of us remembered if Mark had or not, but, because we here at The Monogamish Marriage strive to keep our articles free of fake news, our crack research team contacted Mark. He verified that he did, indeed, come on Maria’s back, much to the appreciation of our large audience at the window.

HER: That has to be a first. Everyone came! Awesome! Anyway, the next day, I finally saw that woman from work again.

HIM: Oh, right – her!

HER: I realized I couldn’t put it off any longer. I approached her, not wanting to spend the rest of the weekend avoiding each other. So I gave her a big hug, pressed my boobs into her and said, “Don’t worry, it’s in the vault.” She agreed, pressed her boobs back into me, and that was it. The pact was sealed. Swinger’s Etiquette.