HER:  If you’re a member of the lifestyle community, you may have attended a sexy pool party and fantasized about being the one at the centre of it all. You may even have looked around and thought, ‘If I were the host, I’d do it better’. Well, we were arrogant enough to believe that of ourselves, but, along the way, we’ve discovered that it isn’t as simple as inviting a bunch of sexually adventurous people and feeding them. No, there’s definitely a learning curve. But after recently hosting our fifth Sexy House Party in three years, it now feels like we’ve perfected the recipe for an all-fun, no-drama event.

HIM: Partly that’s a material thing. It won’t sound very sexy, but we’ve built up our stock of matching towels, fitted sheets, directional signage, mouthwash, wipes, condoms and lube. We even spent hours downloading classy porn from Hegre Arts and creating custom music playlists to set the tone. And one of the best investments we made was two lightweight queen-sized mattresses that are easy to move into and out of storage.

HER: Boy, when psychologists say the biggest differences between the sexes is that women are interested in people and men are interested in things, they aren’t kidding. Seriously — of all the changes we’ve made, your mind goes to bed linens?

HIM: I guess that’s my business side showing through. Sorry.

HER: But you have hit on something important: we’re now fully equipped. We can easily convert our basement into a mini sex club. With two mattresses in storage and our guest room cleverly hiding two more queen mattresses stacked atop each other, we can comfortably accommodate eight couples between two rooms in the basement, as well as two more private rooms upstairs, with enough spare sheets and towels to keep everything running smoothly and cleanly.

HIM: Honestly, though, I have to admit that the best thing we did was to continue to tinker with our guest list. From the outset, we tried to invite only people we had actually met before. Whenever we made exceptions, sure enough, the untested couples would do something weird. But the surprising discovery was that even people we had met and liked sometimes acted strangely in a group situation. So for this party we invited only proven people from our previous events, plus some individuals we had met and were impressed with from two other get-togethers we attended over the winter. It was kind of like a hand-picked all-star line up.

HER: Another good move was creating a Facebook event which allowed people to communicate with each other before the big day. I used this platform to post a message to the group including practical things like what to bring and where to park. At the end of that message, I added this:

As always, consent and safe sex are a priority. Believe it or not, on three separate occasions recently, we were made aware of men initiating sex without protection and/or permission. This is not acceptable. So, to be sure everyone has a good time, you must always ask before any intimate contact, and condoms are the default, unless an exception is explicitly agreed upon. Okay, PSA over.

We explicitly called out some of the bad behaviour we’ve seen at our previous parties and ensured that no one could plead ignorance this time. We put people on notice in the friendliest way possible and were prepared to not invite them back if there were any infractions. In the past, I felt such warnings were a little condescending and unnecessary and was reluctant to sound like a mom speechifying to her kids.

HIM: But I think you nailed it. The assumption that everyone knows the basics is not a good assumption. And sure enough, with a little advance coaching, we had an evening with zero weirdness. I mean, except for the good kind of weirdness. Lots of socializing and lots of sex. And, as usual, you got the ball rolling.

HER: Well, after the typical couple hours of socializing, including our lock and key ice-breaker, I drifted off to talk to Roberto and Jillian. They have become very good friends of ours, but Jillian lives far away so we haven’t seen them as much as we’d like. Even on this night, I knew they’d have to leave early, so I wanted to make sure we had some quality time with them.

HIM: It didn’t take long for you to start pulling Roberto’s pants off by the fridge in the kitchen.

HER: That all started innocently enough with us dancing. I can’t remember who initiated the pants removal, but I went with it.

HIM: Well, you know I’m proud of your sexual self-confidence, but even I felt a little sheepish about you putting on a live sex show so near the food, so when you suggested we go downstairs I seconded that motion.

HER: After we soft swapped with them for awhile, I asked Roberto to give me a little bondage demonstration. They had recently taken a course and brought their own ropes, so I was eager to try it. He put me in a harness that, besides looking sexy, allowed him to control my movements while he was doing me from behind. I’m not really wired for hardcore BDSM, but being tied up and relinquishing control turns me on.

HIM: I’m sure the fact that it presented your boobs in the most appetizing way didn’t hurt either. And speaking of hurt — did it? I mean, did the ropes feel scratchy against your skin?

HER: No, it was all working for me. I mean, the ropes hurt a bit when he pulled on them, but that was part of the fun. Anyway, I was glad we had a chance to play with them, because they left soon after. By that time, our friends Dominic and Maria had materialized on the mattress beside us and we made a smooth transition over to them.

HIM: You mean you did. As a host, I felt like I should run upstairs and survey the scene in case a minor catastrophe was unfolding. Fortunately, everything was cool. Two of the more timid couples had moved onto the library and the master bedroom for some one-on-one time, while a larger group had set up by the outdoor fireplace for drinking, flirting, skinny dipping and naked back rubs. The food was still well-stocked and everyone seemed to be having fun, so I went back downstairs, where I found you and Maria double teaming Dominic.

HER: As you know, Dominic is one of the few men we play with regularly who can make me come, but he was struggling a little to stay hard. Maria and I went down on him together, and he fucked me for a while. In the meantime, you started playing with Maria. At one point, I looked over to see her sitting on your face as she gave you a blow job. It sounded like she was having a very good time.

HIM: She was. And that’s because one of the many awesome things about her is that she is very comfortable asking for what she wants. It’s hard to do that without seeming disappointed by what the other person is trying, but her approach is more like “here are some helpful hints that will make this better for everyone.” After a while she suggested I lick her ass while stroking myself. I don’t need to tell you that everything about that scenario worked for me. She started touching her clit and was soon having a very demonstrative orgasm. Then we settled in to watching you and Dominic, and commenting on the nuances of your performance.

HER: We were having fun, but it seemed like neither of us were going to come.  We collapsed on the mattress with you two and, after a few minutes of sweaty pleasantries, they went upstairs. Jonathan chose that moment to emerge from the guest room. His wife was in the middle of ‘shark week,’ as they say on Twitter (her period, for anyone who’s unfamiliar), so she was enjoying some social time upstairs and he had permission to play solo. This was the first time we’d seen him since our spontaneous ‘unprotected sex’ episode three weeks earlier, and I suddenly felt a wave of arousal come back over me. I think that was partly about our connection, but there was also the lure of the forbidden.

HIM: What do you mean, forbidden? We had already worked out that it was ok as long as we didn’t have unprotected sex with anyone else.

HER: But remember, I had written a big warning about using condoms for our guests just a week earlier. I was afraid that, if other people (and long-time playmates) saw us going at it bareback, they would feel confused at best, judgmental at worst. They wouldn’t know that we had worked things out in advance.

HIM: So what did you do?

HER: I stood at the side of the room, just away from the mattresses, and he knelt to go down on me for a while. Then he stood, and I asked if they were still ok with no condoms. He said yes, so I put it in. I felt like, because we were a little removed from the beds, people might not notice that he hadn’t put one on.

HIM: Well, you might have hidden it from other people, but I certainly knew what was going on, and I was loving it. You two were doing it standing up. I came up behind you so you could lean back against me, and it gave me a great view.

HER: We soon moved to the bed. By this stage, I had one goal — I wanted him to come inside me the way you had with his wife, and I was too turned on to worry about others seeing. It felt like an unfinished story that needed a proper ending.

HIM: I kind of thought that was where you were heading, but I think of Jonathan as one of those guys who has no problem staying hard, but maybe struggles to get to the finish line. I was hoping to hear you ask him to come inside you, but I also thought it might make him feel pressured. So I kept my suggestions to myself and just watched.

HER: Well, I had no problem asking for what I wanted. I told him to come in me, and that was all the encouragement he needed, because he climaxed about three strokes later. I didn’t even have to look at you to know how you’d react.

HIM: Yeah. I was hard as a rock.

HER: I told you I wanted you to come in me too. A few minutes later, let’s just say I was very full, and you were very happy.

HIM: When we eventually moved upstairs, we experienced that interesting phenomenon that always seems to happen at the end of these parties: naked people standing around the kitchen island eating at 2:00am.

HER: I love that part. Guests who, at the beginning of the evening, were slightly awkward strangers have by now dropped all their barriers.

HIM: And that scene around the island usually signals the end of the night, but you still had one more adventure.

HER: Yep. I was pretty slutty that night. I noticed one of our oldest lifestyle friends still had his pants on. I asked if he had gotten any action yet, and he said no. When I told him I had two men come in me a few minutes earlier, he was suddenly very interested and asked if we could go upstairs. I looked over at you and you gave me the thumbs up, so off we went. As soon as we got on the bed, he said that the idea of two men coming in me had made him instantly hard and he wanted to lick me clean. I don’t really get it, but you guys all seem to love this.

HIM: I know some people believe in the ‘sperm wars’ theory, but I never like reducing lust to the arithmetic of evolutionary necessity. It’s just fucking hot.

HER: I may not understand why it works, but I definitely knew, when I confided this dirty little secret to our friend, that it would probably excite him. And having the power to turn someone on really does work for me. So much so, that I came twice with him. It was an excellent end to a perfect party.

HIM: It’s rare in life that things actually work out as planned, and I’m sure we’ll continue to make mistakes along the way. But all of our preparations payed off this time. We had stocked up on our party supplies, refined our list of invitees, and clearly communicated our expectations for behaviour. This allowed us to step out of the role of hosts and actually enjoy our own party. By taking care of all the details in advance, we saved ourselves the worry of managing logistics or drama. At the end of the night, lying in bed together in a finally quiet house at 4:00am, we were able to savour our moment of triumph.