HER: If you’re in the market for a sexy vacation, but you haven’t got the budget for a European or Carribean getaway, please allow me to suggest something a little different. I’m talking about a city where you will find the greatest concentration of sex clubs in North America. No, it isn’t Las Vegas or New York City or New Orleans … it’s Toronto. It also happens to be the city where we live, and it’s got a lot going on. Like any other tourist, you could take a ride up the CN Tower (the tallest free-standing structure in North America), check out the Ripley’s Aquarium a block away, throw in a first-rate dinner close by, then catch a (Jays or Leafs or Raptors) game another block away. But if you’re looking for something a little more adult-oriented, you could sample our sex club scene. It is actually possible to visit five different sex clubs in three days in Toronto if you pick the right weekend. Realistically, however, you probably want to blend the two approaches, and Toronto has a remarkably rich buffet to choose from in both regards. So to help you with the sex club part, here are our reviews based on personal experience.

1. Oasis Aqualounge

HER: We first visited this club years ago when it opened. It was right downtown, and we loved the set-up: hang out in the heated outdoor pool by day,  wander the old mansion to find a place to play by night. Both times we went, however, it was pretty dead. All the potential of the concept somehow hadn’t translated into a consistent party buzz. But lately, under the marketing genius of Fatima Mechtab, Oasis has taken off. They are open and fairly busy seven days a week, with the afternoons dedicated to chillaxing in the pool and hot tub, and the evenings dedicated to a pretty original variety of themed events. Forget about old stand-bys like the ‘Naughty School Girl Night’ and your grandparent’s favorite, the ‘Leather & Lace Party’. Their innovative programming has included everything from a CFNM night (Clothed Female Naked Male) to live porn shoots that guests can participate in (after having signed the appropriate waivers, of course). They regularly schedule sex school classes (complete with demonstrations) and have even held a bisexual swordplay event. They get points for inclusivity, actively courting not only bisexual men, but gay couples and transgender folk with their various themed evenings catering to each group. They allow single men on certain nights, but have couples only nights as well. They also operate young swingers’ evenings (for those under 35) that tend to attract the university crowd.

There isn’t much of a dance floor, and you don’t have to worry about dressing up. Just go straight to the change rooms and get naked (or not, since bathing suits are allowed). That definitely works for me since I hate dancing in heels. Unlike other clubs, there isn’t really a ‘front room/back room’ type set up. The main floor has a bar, hot tub, sauna and showers. A few steps up is the exit to the outdoor pool, which is heated year-round. The two upper floors contain the change room, the dungeon (our favorite place to warm up), the main ‘stage’ where events take place, a second bar, and a series of rooms with beds lining the walls. These memorably include the ‘shaggin wagon’ — the back end of an old van mounted in the wall. A good friend and I once treated our men to extravagant blow jobs there in front of an appreciative audience. Overall, the place has a slightly shabby-chic kitschiness that won’t win any awards for decor, but that somehow adds to the charm.

HIM: This is the only club currently operating right downtown, which is one of the great things about it (Wicked–the original downtown place to meet and our first club experience–closed its doors in 2016). Oasis is easy to get to and a day pass includes in and out privileges, so you can hang out by the pool for the afternoon, walk to dinner and a movie nearby at Yonge-Dundas square, then walk back recharged for a wild night. It’s the club we find most conducive to meeting new people or having first dates because you are able to have leisurely conversations naked by the pool without the time crunch or loud music that make other clubs difficult. There also isn’t the same expectation to play as at other clubs. If you come in the afternoon, it is most common just to have naked socializing without much sex. Imagine the pool scene at Hedo or Desire in the afternoon (though smaller), and you’ll get the picture.

2. The X Club

HER: If you love getting fancied up in sexy dresses and high heels and going to a swanky club to dance the night away, this is the place to do it. And, while all the clubs claim to be Ontario’s most upscale club, this one really is (in our opinion).

HIM: We enjoy the sexy, sophisticated decor and guests that this club offers. While the music is pretty standard fare, the dance floor and two stripper poles are usually occupied by people who are fun to look at (sometimes unintentionally fun, but still…). The club occasionally brings in guest DJ’s for EDM nights, which we love since it’s rare to find a sex club that doesn’t treat the music as an afterthought. The lounge area around the dance floor is elevated and offers VIP bottle service, but it’s impossible to have conversations because the music is extremely loud, so we’ve never actually met a new couple here. Let me clarify — we’ve been over 20 times and we’ve never learned the name of another single human being.

HER: Hey, what about that guy who memorably told us that he loves his wife because she understands his need for ‘foreign pussy’ from time to time? Wasn’t he Daniel or Darren or something?

HIM: it was Darryl. Ok, we’ve never learned the name of another human being we wanted to spend more than 90 seconds with.

HER: It is a couples-only club, but they do have threesome nights. They also have the predictable theme nights, but you’d hardly know it most of the time. People rarely participate, preferring sexy dresses over costumes, unless it’s Halloween.

HIM: The back area is pretty great. It has a series of private rooms with doors and windows that you can leave open or closed, a large room with a line of individual beds, and the ‘big bed’ where things can get very crowded and wild. We like the variety of options, and its impeccable cleanliness, but we often find it’s hard to get a good spot if you don’t leave the dance floor early enough. The play area is sometimes too small for the number of people at the club. You’ll often see couples standing around waiting for a prime spot to vacate, like parking lot prowlers at Costco. It’s the same with the changeroom, for that matter, which sometimes turns into a bottleneck.

HER: That congestion is also why we avoid the ‘Super Parties’ (Halloween, Valentines, etc.) because the dance floor is claustrophobic and you haven’t got a chance of getting a bed unless you camp out there all night. But ultimately, these are just symptoms of what is so great about X Club — it’s popular, and it draws a large, sexy crowd.

3. The O Zone

HER: Located in an industrial area near the airport, O Zone is convenient if your private jet has touched down at Pearson International Airport for refueling, or to take on more caviar. As long as it’s a Friday or Saturday, that is, because those are the only nights the club is open (unless it’s a long weekend). They allow single men on Fridays and couples only on Saturdays. This was our go-to place at the beginning of our clubbing days because the crowd was less intimidating, the vibe a little more laid back, and the play area offered a better layout for us than X-Club. Unfortunately, the dance floor is quite small and, at the time we were going there, the DJ drove us crazy. He not only played the same unimaginative playlist every week, but clearly skipped the ‘how to make a smooth transition’ part of his correspondence course. But, we must admit, we haven’t been there in more than a year, so this might have changed.

HIM: As you hinted, part of what makes O Zone so special is the back room part. Frankly, they have the best pure play areas we’ve ever seen, Hedo included. There are two sides: one has curtains around the beds for those who are feeling a little shy, which you can open as you begin to feel less shy. The other side is open, with a small, caged dungeon in the middle. Around it are a series of beds, some on stepped risers creating a monumental effect. We loved it because it created a clear division between the beds, if that’s what you want, but it’s easy to cross over if you catch the eye of the hot couple above or below you. That also makes it easy to see and be seen, which is at least half of what the sex club experience is all about.

HER: My favourite part was the french fries and other goodies they set out late at night for the after-sex munchies. That thoughtful touch exemplifies the homier feel that O Zone has, which is part of its charm, while still maintaining an upscale vibe.

4. NYX Lounge

HIM: This club is the farthest from downtown, but still a quick drive to the suburb of Oakville. The owner, Nick, personally oversees the club and can sometimes be found behind the bar serving drinks. He’s one of the nicest guys you’ll meet in the lifestyle.

HER: I’ll say. I once phoned the club saying hopelessly that I had lost an earring, but I had no idea where. Two weeks later Nick called to say he had found it!

HIM: Every detail has been impeccably thought through. The lounge is separate from the dance floor so the music isn’t overpowering if you just want to talk. The dance floor is a good size and, in a stroke of genius, looks up to a play area above where copulating couples can entertain the dancers below with their sexual gymnastics. The back is divided into two rooms with beds that are surrounded by curtains that you can close or open as you like. The privacy is good if you’re new, but it does not have the exhibitionism potential of an open room. If that’s your thing, go upstairs above the dance floor and put on a show.

HER: The only negative thing we can say about NYX is that, in the few times we’ve been there, it’s been quiet. We suspect that might be the point for for the people who are tired of pushing through the crowds at X Club. We really want to like this place, and we know plenty of people who love it.

5. Club M4

HER: Their website claims they are Toronto’s #1 swinger’s club, which is no doubt based on extensive psychometric research. We’ve only been there once, but this club, in the basement under a sex shop, is dark, and looking a little worse for wear. It is the kind of anonymous-desperadoes-fucking-in-dark-corners kind of place you imagined swingers would hang out in before you were a swinger. But none of the above is a problem for the people who love their sex in a gritty, anti-bougie setting, and this is your place if that’s your thing.

We were drawn to M4 the one time we went for a bi-male event, but we didn’t see any bi action. Maybe we didn’t know where to look. Feeling a little out of our element, we opted to have a drink at the bar.  From there we watched a woman getting viciously flogged on the St. Andrew’s cross. I like a good spanking, but this was enough to make me lose my appetite. I think there was blood.

HIM: That’s part of the upside, that they offer the more hardcore kink and fetish crowd a safe space where they won’t be judged by squeamish people like you.

HER: Actual blood!

HIM: I think she just had very red welts, but I hear you. She really seemed to be into it, though, and she needs a place to be herself.

HER: Of course. I’m sorry. And that’s a very good point. All of our observations are coloured by our tastes. We tend toward the mainstream with only a mild taste for kink, so it was a little jarring to be exposed to this side of the sexual spectrum. But I am very glad a place exists for everyone who wants to be there.

HIM: Right. M4 may be rough around the edges, but we were happy to see cross-dressers, transgendered people, and hard core BDSM folks all hanging out comfortably. It’s hard to imagine that happening at X Club. Actually, impossible to imagine. And M4 is open every day, so if Oasis is too chill for you, this is the only other option for crazy fun on a Wednesday afternoon.

HER: Well, there you have it: a vicarious tour of the Greater Toronto Area’s sex club scene. While Oasis is our favorite, they are all awesome in their own way. Keep in mind that all of these clubs require you to purchase a membership so they can call themselves ‘private clubs’ to allow sex on-premises. In addition to the membership fee, you’ll also have to pay to get in. It can make for a pricey night out. The good news is, when you consider how far the American dollar will go with the favourable exchange rate, it makes the idea of a sex club vacation to our great city not that crazy after all.

HIM: And don’t forget to let us know when you’re coming. You might just end up sipping drinks with us by the pool at Oasis. ?

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