HER: Two days before our first MFM threesome (two men/one woman) was to happen, we fell into having a threesome with my best friend, Malissa, by accident. A day around the pool without kids turned into naked swimming, then touching and then a trip to the bedroom. It turned out to be our best (and for interesting reasons we’ll get into some other time, our last) impromptu play time with her. Afterward, I mentioned our plans with Derek and she practically begged to be included. She and I had had a threesome with him once years before, so she already knew and liked him. I thought her presence would make things more fun and prevent you from feeling left out — maybe she could entertain you while he and I got started — so we agreed. And suddenly our first experience with two men went from a threesome to a foursome.

HIM: I agreed that Malissa would be a good addition to the experience. She has a very chill presence, so we invited her to come over early. By the time Derek arrived, a few drinks had been consumed and the mood was mellow. You had prepared a nice light meal and the conversation flowed naturally for the first couple of hours. I’ve heard of people in a situation like this, where everyone is nervous and no one takes the initiative to change the direction from social to sexual. I knew I would be the one to do that job this night, however, so somewhat suddenly I suggested that you and Derek go upstairs for a massage and that Malissa and I would join you in a little while.

HER: I think the best part of that night was the anticipation of getting started. In the bedroom, we kissed and slowly undressed each other. Derek’s hands going up under my dress made me crazy. That’s when I was the most turned on: knowing you were downstairs and could walk in at any moment made me incredibly horny. I was reluctant to go too far, though, because I didn’t want you to miss anything.

HIM: While you two were upstairs, Malissa and I were having a not-especially-sexual conversation downstairs in the kitchen. I guess I was already feeling estranged from any of the erotic energy the rest of you were feeling. After a reasonable amount of time, we went up to the bedroom. When I opened the door I saw you sitting on the bed with Derek, casually stroking his cock. I would say you didn’t look 100% comfortable, but things seemed to be going ok. Malissa and I took our clothes off and joined you and Derek on the bed. I felt a strange hybrid emotion – I was turned on to see you touching him so intimately, but I registered my arousal at a distance, almost as if it was happening to someone else. I started touching you, but I wasn’t getting hard the way I normally would.

As time went on, everyone got more relaxed and started having more fun. Everyone except me. Inside my head, a terrible dialogue was going on. The rational part of me was saying that I should just relax, that there was no real pressure. But an increasingly irrational voice was berating me for failing, for not being manly enough, for letting everyone else down. To my acute embarrassment, Derek was having no erection problems at all. He had sex with you in several positions, as well as enjoying oral with both you and Malissa. There he was, older than me and known to be the anxious type, performing like a champ. On the other hand, I was younger and generally relaxed in any situation, and soft as a marshmallow. And on and on it went – he was unflaggingly hard for the whole time. I assured the rest of you not to worry about me, that I was fine and you should do whatever you felt like.

As I write this, more than two years later, it’s hard to put myself back into that headspace. Why was I taking it so hard? Why did my inability to keep an erection seem like such a colossal failure? Derek was a perfect gentleman, not in any even subtle way acting like the alpha male my imagination had turned him into. I knew that you weren’t judging me, and neither was Malissa (who by now I considered to be a close friend of my own as well). With the perspective of time, I now realize that we had had a lot of sex in the five days before our foursome, and I was somewhat sexually exhausted. Derek, on the other hand, had had almost no sex for months. He was like a starving man at a buffet. I’ve always been nervous in new situations, but I’m so good at hiding it that the people around me are typically unaware of it. So good that often even I myself am unaware of it, unless there is some kind of obvious indicator…like, say, a cock that won’t stand up while my greatest fantasy is coming to life around me.

HER: You may be good at hiding things, but I was hyper aware of you and knew very well that you were uncomfortable. I kept asking if you were okay, and you kept encouraging me to keep going. I was torn, because part of me wanted to call the whole thing off, but another part didn’t want to disappoint anyone or draw further attention to your discomfort. So I did my best to entertain Derek and Malissa while also giving you as much loving attention as I could. I managed to have a fairly good time, but I couldn’t let go entirely because I was so concerned about you.

The next day was awful. You were finally open about how painful the experience had been, and I hated that I had any part in hurting you. I kept apologizing, but you kept reminding me that none of this was my idea and assuring me that you weren’t angry. I determined then that we’d never attempt this again. It wasn’t worth your pain or my guilt.

HIM: Even at my lowest moment, though, I felt a bizarre kind of pride. I knew that the emotional ache I felt was the result of taking a risk, of not accepting the standard script for how a couple should conduct their sex life. We had held hands and jumped in together. If one of us ended up with some scratches and bruises, well, that’s what happens to the adventurous. Scars are easy enough to avoid by simply playing it safe, but playing it safe was exactly what I didn’t want to do with you.

Although it was an experience I could only describe as ‘crushing’ in the moment, I did understand that something impressive had happened. You had enjoyed yourself, which was not a given from the outset. We had found the ideal partner in Derek. I had registered the erotic potential of what I had witnessed, even if only remotely. The next day we had sex, and, although I started off tentatively, you orgasmed twice and I came fairly easily after that (our usual, and suddenly reassuring, sequence).

The second morning after, however, I awoke feeling ecstatic. At some deep level I had processed everything that had transpired and come out on the other side deeply satisfied. I felt closer to you than ever. With my head full of our recent experience we had unbelievable sex twice that afternoon and evening. Intuitively, I knew we would try an MFM threesome again, and that things would only get better.

Him and Her

Liam & Kate are a married couple, very much in love, writing honestly and insightfully about their adventures in the world of non-monogamy.

www.themonogamishmarriage.com