HIM: Full-swap sex with another couple wasn’t part of any master plan as we set out on our great sexual adventure. I guess the truth was that we had no particular destination in mind, and that was probably a good thing. We simply put one foot in front of the other — together — just to see where the path would take us. Who would have guessed that watching each other fuck someone else would become our obsession — for good, and maybe not so good, reasons?
By the second half of 2015 we were both feeling like the full-swap experience was the natural next step for us. But we didn’t have a plan. We were hoping to kind of fall into a foursome, maybe on vacation or at a sex club. But for the next six months nothing really happened, except for a spontaneous soft swap (oral sex only) experience on our summer trip to Hedonism II in Jamaica. Clearly, a more active approach was required.
HER: Just after New Years 2016, we decided to revisit the world of online dating, and that changed everything. It didn’t take us long to find another couple we considered suitably fuckable. A mere month (and several false starts) after we set up our profile, Brandon and Nadia reached out to us. Right away we liked their artsy, outdoorsy pictures. We were also drawn to their appreciation for intelligent humour, multi-faceted creativity, and easy-going natures. Like us, they wanted a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship. It’s always nice to hear your own wish list coming back at you almost verbatim from someone else. We wrote back to them and set up dinner for a few days later.
HIM: We considered it a good sign that they were able to book something right away. Dinner itself was pleasant. No fireworks, I would say, but no alarm bells either. Nadia had her blond hair up in a tight bun, and she wore a high-necked dress that wasn’t giving much away. They certainly weren’t sending a very sexual vibe, but she was pretty, and he was tall and slim with an easy smile. They were both passionate about the work they did, which is sexy in itself to people like us. Overall, a promising start.
HER: On the way home, you and I talked about whether we felt enough of a connection to see them again. I wasn’t sure myself until I said out loud that we could have them to our place that weekend. As I said the words, I got a little wet. I guess I hadn’t realized how exciting the idea of sleeping with them was until it was a real possibility with a concrete timeline. We sent them a text from the car, and they jumped at the invite to dinner and a potential sleep-over in our spare bedroom that weekend.
HIM: The day of their visit, I had been feeling very relaxed. When they arrived, I was struck by how much more glamorous Nadia looked with her hair down. You made us a delicious, light meal and we chatted in an unhurried way for a few hours. At a certain point I noticed you had disappeared, so I suggested to Brandon that he go look for you — hoping, of course, that some spontaneous indiscretion might break out between the two of you. Before he left, he said something contrived (but mildly charming) about me and Nadia having our first kiss.
I looked at her and she gave me a wanly encouraging smile as her husband left the room. I leaned forward to kiss her and she responded strangely. I don’t know what to call it, but it’s that yes/no thing you see in movies. Our lips had almost touched when she pulled sharply away. Then she came in slowly for a full kiss before drawing back again dramatically. She whispered that she had wanted to kiss me since she arrived as her hands explored my torso appreciatively. The yes/no thing continued, however. I guess it was meant to be playful and teasing, or even a sign of cinematic sophistication, but I found it frustrating that we couldn’t establish any kind of groove. I was also aware that her breath wasn’t great, though mine was probably equally unfresh from having eaten the same dinner. In spite of it all, I felt myself beginning to get hard as she pressed her lithe body into mine.
HER: I had actually run upstairs to light some candles in the bedroom when I sensed that the dinner conversation was wrapping up. As I lit the last one, Brandon appeared and said something about you and Nadia having your first kiss downstairs. We started kissing ourselves, and our clothes quickly fell away. I was hesitant to take my lingerie off before you got there, but you were taking a long time and he eventually removed my bra. Finally, as he kissed my pussy through my panties, you and Nadia walked through the door. Better late than never.
HIM: Nadia’s hands were all over me as we walked up the stairs, and at one point she dug her nails hard into my side. I get that some people like a little dash of pain with their pleasure, but I’m not one of them. Actually, that’s not true. Let me just say that on the menu of ‘performative sexual abuse’, my tastes fall more to the slappy/spanky end of the spectrum, and less to the spiky/scratchy.
When we came into the room and saw you and Brandon tangled up on the bed, Nadia got on her knees and started to undo my pants. When she took my cock into her mouth, it was half erect. Another way of saying that would be that it was half flaccid, which neatly captures the reality that it was trending in the wrong direction. There was nothing wrong with her technique, I just wasn’t feeling it. Was it the funny kissing thing, or the breath, or the digging nails that had thrown me off? I was having a truly Seinfeldian moment, obsessing over trivialities as a hot, naked woman gave me enthusiastic oral sex. I decided to try not to let it bother me and steered her onto the bed beside you and Brandon.
HER: I did like seeing your cock in Nadia’s mouth. It looked pretty big from where I was lying, so I assumed everything was going well.
HIM: She was frankly doing everything right — she whispered that she loved my cock, she caressed me tenderly, she moaned and groaned, she scratched and bit me, she sat on my face. Like the 3rd Marine Division at Iwo Jima, she steadfastly refused to give up. At a certain point, though, I accepted that victory would not be achieved. While I had been hard during our previous soft-swap experiments, apparently the prospect of a full-swap was proving too much for my system to handle.
HER: Eventually I realized you weren’t hard, but there was so much activity on your side of the bed that I knew that at least you weren’t moping. Brandon got it up without too much delay as I went down on him. He fucked Nadia for a while, then turned back to me and was holding me really tightly as we kissed. It was like a whole body dry-hump. Does that sound lame? It was actually pretty hot. All that intense passion made me desperate to have a cock inside me. He mentioned condoms, and I looked to you to see how you felt.
HIM: I asked you if you wanted him to fuck you. I wanted you to be happy, of course, but I also thought it might be my last chance to get back in the game. Hearing you say you wanted another man, and watching you fuck him, would normally be a guaranteed turn on for me. You answered yes, breathlessly and with eyes glazed. Brandon fucked you with abandon, which you seemed to enjoy immensely, but it barely registered for me. The psycho-chemical forces at war with my libido were undaunted by the hot scene playing out in front of me.
HER: He entered me from behind, which is my usual orgasm position. But then Nadia crawled on his back as you licked her from behind. While it was fun to look into our mirrored headboard and see a pile of naked people, I didn’t get close to orgasm. It’s pretty rare for that to happen in a first encounter with someone new anyway, but it’s even harder when you’ve got the combined weight of three adults bearing down on your back. It was oddly satisfying, though, and the intensity of the sensations in my clit were multiplied by the pressure. Before long, Brandon came inside me and we all settled into a pleasant conversation. I always enjoy the ‘afterglow’ with you, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if it’s one of the best parts of sex with other people. The intimacy, the laughter, the closeness…and the brownies.
HIM: Oh, the brownies! We had forgotten that you had made them for dinner and now we were enjoying them as a post-coital treat. It certainly seemed like the main part of our get-together was over. Nadia cuddled closely with me under the covers as we all talked and ate, and it occurred to me that different people want different things from these encounters. Yes, I want to be the rock-hard stud who can satisfy a village full of lusty women, but I was aware of the possibility that this particular woman might have found the closeness we were sharing now the most fulfilling part. Maybe I was giving her exactly what she wanted most from the experience.
HER: After a while, real life crept back into my awareness, and I walked back downstairs naked to clean up from dinner. I hate leaving dishes until the morning. A few minutes later, Brandon came down. We made small talk in the kitchen, and he came in for a hug. He was clearly ready to go again, but I declined. I never want to do anything without your knowledge and permission. He was very understanding. He went downstairs to our spare bedroom to sleep and I went back upstairs. But what I saw when I entered our room was not what I had expected.
HIM: What can I say? A strange transformation had played out while you were gone. Nadia and I remained a long time in our friendly cuddle, and we were lying side-by-side on our backs when Brandon left. The second he walked out the bedroom door, however, leaving us alone for the first time, everything changed. Nadia placed her hand lightly on my hip and I felt an immediate current of lust run through my body. I edged over slightly to encourage her to move her hand closer to my swelling cock, and by the time she touched it, I was fully hard. She started to stroke it, then suck it, and I was in heaven. When she straddled me, it was clear that she was offering to mount me. I really wanted her to do it, to be honest, but I sensed that you would feel I had betrayed an understanding between us even though we hadn’t exactly contemplated this specific scenario. She went back to sucking my cock, which I was enjoying greatly, when I heard your footsteps on the stairs.
HER: I have to say, it was a bit of a shock. A small part of my brain screamed, “Seriously? It takes me leaving the room for you to finally get hard? That’s not cool!”. But another part of me was happy that you would finally get a chance to do your thing. I grabbed a condom and put it on you. I was weirdly proud of you, though the sexual energy had ebbed for me. I was in helper mode. That was my first experience watching you fuck another woman.
HIM: The fucking was great, but by this stage I knew there was no way I’d be able to get to orgasm. It was belatedly gratifying all the same. It did raise some questions, though, about exactly how my arousal response is programmed. Did Brandon’s departure finally relieve the competitive pressure? Had I felt too inhibited to freely enjoy another woman when you were still in the room? Did all the cuddling finally make me feel connected to Nadia? Or was it — as concerned both of us, for different reasons — the lure of the forbidden?
HER: The thing that scared me was thinking that my absence had made sex with Nadia suddenly seem more like cheating than a couple-centric adventure. I have always worried that the affairs from your past might repeat with us, and this made it seem obvious that doing something you thought you weren’t supposed to was still a turn-on for you. It didn’t bode well for our relationship if the idea of fucking someone behind my back was the thing that excited you the most. It was something we talked a lot about in the days that followed: was it possible to do the right thing in the lifestyle for the wrong reason? I guess we would find out, because there was no stopping us now.
Liam & Kate are a married couple, very much in love, writing honestly and insightfully about their adventures in the world of non-monogamy.
9 Comments Add yours
Veronica and I opened our marriage almost 8 years ago, but reading this post brings me right back to our first full swap, in which my physical response mirrored yours, much to my surprise. Sometimes, it still happens, I think it’s my bodies way of telling me the chemistry isn’t right but my brain thinks that it is.
I likewise had the same response. Still happens…. I chalked it up to your head being in totally different place then when you are with your wife of 20 years…. She said she had agreed but ladies have been known to change their minds… It also takes on a feeling that you are now intrinsically changing your primary relationship and how will that fall out over time? All of that is a real boner killer Lol. We went to full swap swinging about a year ago. In our relationship our highs are much higher but our lows, although infrequent now, are lower too. The only thing I can assure you of is that your life won’t be boring.
Sounds awesome. You never know when it’s your time!
Sir, having started swinging 2 years ago as a single man I can tell you that your sexual response will be different in every situation. Pressure and anxiety are huge erection killers. You might find that you are more comfortable in a one-on-one with a new partner because it’s familiar. More connection might also help you. Oh and Tic-Tacs. 🙂
Hot, as usual. I’m a fan of your work (and lives!).
I like the thoughts around how your “arousal response is programmed”. It does seem to be different for us all. Id say as a female in this position we frequently feel like it’s our fault, or we didn’t do something right. That’s tough to get over when you’re first starting out!
I think you should try talking to Her about playing in a separate room,because I can sense that there is,what we call distraction.There’s nothing wrong with that,just the way some people are wired when it comes to a play session in the swinger lifestyle.
That’s the reason it is called:same room or separate room.Some times if separate room works,and you both feel more safe and confident,the ideas of hall passes (solo plays) may occur after a good conversation and understanding each other.A friend of mine had the same issues in the beginning,and he came to me,explaining what happened,I just told him what I said above and it worked perfectly.
Some people,can’t perform in group(performance anxiety).That’s the main reason a man with a threesome fantasy,or the wife fantasy can’t ask(propose) to be FMF for the first time,instead try to bring MFM.If you can get erection in MFM threesome where chances are your penis size,is disproportional compared to your counterpart,followed with moans and groans/screams that your significant other is/will be making,can create or kill your erection.
So,my advice,try separate room play.
All the best